The One Where She Says Yes

I am absolutely ecstatic to share something, especially following the more melancholy post yesterday. Thank you to everyone for your kind wishes, I really appreciate it. I am officially changing the bf's nickname. He is now the fiance!!! We got engaged last night!!!! =D

It was so perfect! Yesterday was our 18 month anniversary since we started dating. He took me to the Italian restaurant that he took me to for our one month and one year anniversaries. :) After dinner he came over to my side of the table with this wine carrier, which he'd said earlier had presents in it for me but there wasn't wine. When he opened it, there was wine...he gestured to it and I pulled out one of the bottles. It was inscribed with the verse: "There are three things that last faith, hope and love, and the greatest of these is love." Below that it has a Celtic cross with Celtic knots and whatnot. Below that it says "will you marry me and love me always and forever" and then has the date, October 8, 2009. And then he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him! =D =D =D

I am SO excited!!!!! It was even more significant since yesterday was exactly one year to the day that he took me to Julien for our 6 month anniversary, after which we stopped at the winery where we work sometimes. It's also the day that I first tasted the tawny port wine there that was and is still in the barrel. I've been waiting for them to bottle it for the past year. I now have the first and only two bottles currently in existence. He let the fiance bottle it and cork it and everything himself. :) We're friends with another winery couple up there that also does bottle etching. He etched the bottles for the fiance!!

I am so absolutely ecstatic. I am floating on a cloud and I can't stop smiling! =D

San Francisco - Day Three

Sunday dawned bright and early and beautiful. The bf and his co-worker (I'm still deciding on a nickname for her) had to be to the convention center bright and early, which meant I was on my own for the morning. I did wander up to the bf's room when our wake up call came since I knew it was before his. I wanted to wake him up (I had a key to his room) Unfortunately he spoiled my plans by being up when I walked in! He made up for it though by climbing right back under the covers to cuddle a bit before his actual wake up call came though. The bf walked me back to my room on his way down to the lobby and I promptly fell back to sleep. When I finally woke up I had a nice leisurely morning getting ready and grabbing breakfast from downstairs before heading out to explore Union Square.
There were SO many people out around Union Square. I used some of my alone time to give my grandparents a quick call to say hello and tell them how my trip was going. They were definitely happy to hear from me. :) I lounged in the warm sun on a park bench in the dead center of Union Square.The statue on the left was in the center of the square. The heart was a statue that was by the entrance to the square closest to our hotel. They had all sorts of tables and whatnot scattered around the center of the square, people were out and about drinking coffee, chatting and reading newspapers. Isn't the heart so beautiful? They had several scattered around with different images, but this was my favorite. (I also managed to not get pictures of the others...but trust me, this was the prettiest)
I wandered around the shops, peering in windows and just generally enjoying the unusually beautiful weather. (the locals told us it was unusually beautiful, so sunny with just a slight breeze) I went into Williams and Sonoma. My goodness but that store is incredible!! They have the best product displays and totally made me want to start cooking things. Their prices leave a little something to be desired at times, but you can find expensive cookware lots of places. They definitely had quality merchandise. I think my favorite was all the baking products and sprinkles. Their lemonade mixed looked pretty good too. (they apparently sell several pantry products there as well, I had no idea!) I wandered into several other stores like Victoria's Secret and H&M, just browsing around. I didn't realize I was so close to Market Street until I saw the crowds gathered for the PRIDE celebration parade. There were thousands of people. I didn't venture all the way down to Market because I was by myself and don't like such dense crowds of people, not to mention that there were also quite a few protesters with overly large signs down there too. (seriously, can someone please explain to me how homosexuality is a threat to national security?) There was an incredible turn out though and I could hear all the cheering. I definitely thought of a wonderful blogger friend and wished he could have been there to see it. I heard that the mayor of the city was in the parade, pretty cool.

The bf got done around noon and met me back at the hotel. We walked up to Grace Cathedral up on Nob Hill. I have a thing for cathedrals, particularly any kind of gothic architecture. The cathedral was only about 5 blocks away from our hotel, but the hills, oh the hills. They got steeper as we walked. I swear the last one was nearly straight up. It definitely was steeper than 45 degrees, no joke. (incidentally, I saw women pushing strollers up similar hills...I don't know how they did it!) I knew from Google maps that it was steep, but wow. It was steep! It was worth it though. The cathedral was gorgeous. We spent over an hour photographing the interior. I have to edit some of those photos to lighten the details and such, but they'll be up soon. There is just something magnificent about cathedrals like this one. I absolutely love them. It's just this innate kind of passion, I could get lost in these types of structures for days. The National Cathedral in Washington D.C. is one of my favorites. I'm sure Notre Dame will join the ranks when I finally get over the pond to see it in person! I also have a thing for castles both Medieval and Renaissance...Versailles here I come!
After getting ourselves lost in the beauty of the Cathedral we wandered around Nob Hill a bit before walking down into Little Italy to find a place for a late lunch/early dinner. We looked at menus as we wandered along. The owner of this one little place was outside and asked if we were looking for a place to eat. It was a special day at his restaurant so the ladies got a rose and a complimentary glass of wine. The menu looked good, so we headed in. The owner was such a nice man, I really liked him. He definitely sold us on his restaurant. It was a cute little place on the corner across from the St. Peter & Paul Church on what I believe was Washington Square Park (if I remember the guide book correctly) I chose a Cabernet as my glass of wine, it was surprisingly delicious. I don't always like Cabernet's right off the bat but this one was tasty. I couldn't decide between two dishes, so the bf and I got both to share. One was a salmon over a bed of sauteed spinach, it was perfectly cooked and absolutely mouthwatering. The other was a cheese ravioli with some kind of mushrooms (don't remember the name) in a creamy sauce. OMG that was divine! The flavors were heavenly. All of the food there, right down to the bread with olive oil and balsamic vinegar was absolutely divine. It was my favorite meal of the entire trip and in such a beautiful setting. We were in the corner window of the restaurant that looked right out onto the sidewalk and the park across the street. It was such a quaint little place. I loved the way the owner was personally inviting people in. He also poured and brought my glass of wine, and of course the beautiful pink rose when we walked in. You can see how beautiful the rose is in the picture with the food...I draped it over the bread basket for the shot. :)
After our late lunch/early dinner at Michaelangelo's the bf and I headed stopped in for a few minutes in the beautiful church across the park to see the inside. Just like Grace, it was absolutely breathtaking. We didn't stay too long though before heading back towards the hotel. We hopped off the cable car to check out the Cable Car Museum. It was so neat seeing all of the old cars and machinery. I think the neatest part was seeing the working cables that pulled the cars all across the city. The cable cars don't move on their own power. Rather, they grab onto the cable running under the street, it's pretty cool to see. There was this place where you could go downstairs and see the actual wheels as they run under the streets. It's incredible to imagine that these are scattered under the pavement throughout various parts of the city. It's really a rather ingenious system really. I love that they still run the cable cars exactly as before when they began. As a history student I particularly enjoyed the history. The Cable Car Museum had lots of great historical information and photos. I was really glad we decided to jump off to check it out as we passed. We didn't stay too long as the museum wasn't that big and it was awfully hot and sticky inside. It had a bit of a funny scent, but I think that was just from all of the machinery and whatnot running and spinning. It's really a neat thing to see if you're there.
After the museum we went back to the hotel to enjoy the evening Club Level cocktail hour. They've got a nice little lounge for the Club level guests where each evening they serve wine, champagne, mixed drinks and sodas. They also have cheese and crackers and the host serves slices of artisan type pizzas. Really a great little set up and very classy. We spent some time there each evening I was there, it was a lot of fun. The bf and I weren't too starving and neither was his co-worker, so we got a recommendation for dessert from our doorman. He definitely knew the best places to eat. We went to a little place next door to the hotel. The bf and his coworker got crab cakes, she got bread pudding, and I got creme brulee. Creme brulee is absolutely one of my favorite desserts in the world and I get it very very rarely, so I definitely enjoy it when it is available. I've made it before too, but haven't in quite some time. I want to make it again this summer sometime. It was a great little place and the food was delicious. When we finished the three of us walked over to the drugstore to get some candy to snack on later. I got a pack of airhead sour belt licorice stuff. We wandered back to the hotel to have a relaxed evening. I hung out with the bf in his room watching the food channel and proceeded to eat my sour belts. (the bf had maybe 2 of them) We were having a nice layed back evening which was well deserved after all those hills and walking we'd been doing. Evidentally my body had a little too much of the sour sugar to handle, because a couple hours later I was throwing it all back up. Definitely NOT fun. I felt a lot better after though. The bf was such a sweetheart taking care of me though. He definitely made me feel better, making sure I had everything I needed and rubbing my back to relax me. I have to say, I'm not a fan of being sick, especially on vacation, but the bf made it so much better and was such an absolute sweetheart. All in all it was a fantastic day, and I slept really well that night too. And seriously. If you get up to San Francisco anytime soon and like Italian food, you HAVE to try Michaelangelo's (it's at 579 Columbus Ave). It's SO delicious. Your taste buds will thank you. :)

San Francisco Day Two (the bonus story)

I have the most romantic and wonderful boyfriend ever. I'm even more in love with him after our San Francisco trip, it's crazy and incredible and beautiful all wrapped into one. We are both part Irish and love the meaning and symbolism of the Claddagh ring. I know that he looked at Claddagh rings for me once quite a few months ago. What I didn't know is that he never stopped looking.
While we were waiting for our table at the Pier Market for dinner, we went into this great little shop on Pier 39, Treasure Ireland. (doesn't the name just send a delightful shiver down your spine?) There were all kinds of beautiful treasures to browse through. One of the first things that caught my eye was the collection of Claddagh rings. The bf asked the shopkeeper to help me try them on. He showed us the special collection of rings. It was a perfect fit. The bf bought me the most beautiful silver Claddagh ring. I wear in on my left hand facing in. We're not engaged, not yet anyways. It's a promise ring. And it is absolutely beautiful. I keep my Claddagh on even when I'm asleep, I only really take it off to shower. I am the luckiest girl in the world to be in love with such a wonderful guy. He's perfect :)

San Francisco - Day Two

Saturday morning began beautifully sans alarm clock, which was definitely nice after a week of early alarms. We started with a great continental breakfast in the restaurant that is complimentary for Club Level guests. (we really enjoyed the Club Level perks) We set off down to the cable car turn around to get a 3-day Muni pass that let us hop onto any cable car or bus for three days. We took our first San Francisco cable car ride all the way down to Fisherman's Wharf. It was an absolutely beautiful day, lots of sunshine and plenty of warmth, with a hint of a breeze to keep things from being stifling. It's crazy to see them turn the cable cars around. I guess that's part of the charm. They roll it onto the circle platform and then the two guys spin it around and push it back onto the opposite set of tracks. It's all done by manpower...it's incredible to watch. I think being a cable car driver would be really interesting, but I think you have to be a guy to do it because those things take muscle and they definitely are not light. But I bet they meet so many different people and hear so many crazy stories. They probably see their share of freaky people too, which probably provides for some interesting dinner table
conversation. I can just imagine the stories.
We went all the way to the end of the line and then walked the last couple blocks to the wharf. It was gorgeous along the water. We explored all around, saw a submarine and some ships from WWII. There was a little museum type place that had all sorts of old fashioned coin operated games, a lot of which you could still play. It was a neat place. We wandered around Pier 39 looking at the various shops and places to eat. I love seeing all the street performers...they are definitely creative. We also saw the famous bush man! I was so excited. My cousin warned me about him before I went to San Francisco in high school, but I never saw him. He is a homeless gentleman who hides behind some branches that he's cut and scares people as they walk by. I saw him as we were approaching and got really excited. We got to watch him scare a few people, it was absolutely hysterical. The funniest part is that a lot of the people went back and paid him because it was so well done and to be honest, quite clever. There were also the standard silver guys that freeze in poses. We saw all kinds of interesting acts. The bf's co-worker joked that she was getting ideas to file away just in case for later, what with the economy and all.
We also got to see the famous sea lions that laze in the sun on the floating docks just West of Pier 39. I love listening to them, they're so cool. I got some great pictures of them sunning and playing. This one is one of my favorites because I caught several of them in their "proud" pose while enjoying the warm California sunshine.










We also got our first views of the Golden Gate Bridge from down along the wharf. Luckily the fog wasn't obscuring it, but rather sitting just below it which made for some awesome pictures. It's really such a magnificent and beautiful structure, and definitely a well known California landmark. We didn't cross it or anything on this trip, but I did get to drive across it in our bus on my high school trip up there. It was cold on the other side from all the wind. Cold but beautiful. We walked up to Ghiradelli Square on the recommendation of the bf's
There was incredible wine store there that had a port syrrah that the bf and I tasted. It was pretty good, but not as good as the price would indicate. We enjoyed tasting it though. The bf's co-worker and I both got ice cream from the Ghiradelli Ice Cream Parlour. She got some ice cream in a cup. I got Ghirdelli chocolate in a chocolate dipped waffle cone. It was intensely delicious. I finished that off as we headed back down the hill (there are seriously a LOT of hills there...just in case you didn't know) and back down to the wharf. We got clam chowder bread bowls from Boudin's Bakery Cafe. They were mouthwatering and very filling. Boudin's makes the BEST sourdough bread, I absolutely loved it. We got sourdough complimentary with nearly every meal we ate in San Francisco. We took a break to rest at the hotel before dinner. Dinner took us back down to the wharf to a seafood restaurant right on the water at Pier 39, I believe it was called the Pier Market. I got fish and chips which was so perfectly cooked. The bf and his co-worker got a sea food sampler that had calamari, fish, crab and I think shrimp. We all agreed that the food was wonderful there. We also had an incredible view of both the city scape and the bay from where our table was situation near the window. It was back to the cable cars for the trip back to the hotel. I got to ride on the runners, it was SO much fun! It wasn't hard at all either, you just have to stand on the running board and hang on tight (don't worry, the bf was nearby making sure I was safe, he's protective like that...I love him SO much!) Here's a shot of how steep some of the hills were. Just imagine the downward view...it was pretty exhilarating. I'll end my day two recap with this night shot of Union Square as we approached it on the cable car. Our hotel was just around the corner. Saturday was a fun filled and fabulous day. I
definitely slept well that night when I got to bed. I have to say, the beds in our hotel practically sucked you into them they were SO comfy.

Weekend Plans

Heading home for the weekend. My littlest brother's last ball game of the season is tomorrow. I haven't gotten to any of his games this season and he may not play next year, so I really wanted to make this game. The boys do not know I'm coming home tonight :)

The bf is in Wisconsin and has been there since Tuesday visiting family and such. I was so sad dropping him off at the airport, I miss him SO much. We've been texting a LOT and talking on the phone before bed. I can't wait to pick him up Sunday :)

I got my shiny new computer on Tuesday, which has served as a fabulous distraction from being sad and mopey missing the bf. I love it, it's so pretty and fun. I did a bit of rearranging. I have a small studio apartment. Originally I had my tv/dvd player in the main room and my computer in the kitchen area. Since I have a nice new 20" widescreen monitor, I decided to move my computer into my main room and use it as my dvd player as well. I think my apartment looks much nicer without the computer in the kitchen. I got a Dell Studio Slim, which is awfully shiny. Only thing is that while it's the same basic size as a normal desktop, it's much skinnier. It doesn't fit on the shelves of the little desk I was using for my computer before, and with it being so slim, I'm afraid of having it topple over sitting on the carpet. The bf called me Tuesday as I was browsing through computer desks online because I thought I might have to break down and buy a new one, and he told me to wait until he got home and he'd build me a new one next weekend! My bf is absolutely fantastic, he is the bestest. I'll have a shiny new custom built desk to match my beautiful new bookcase. I'm SO excited. :)

In addition to the rearranging, I also seriously cleaned my apartment. I still need to clean the blinds and windowsills (they're filthy), but I scrubbed my kitchen floor last night, in addition to cleaning the bathroom, dusting, vacuuming and organizing stuff. Like, literally on my hands and knees scrubbing. It feels SO good to have a clean apartment. Especially knowing that I'll come home to a clean apartment on Sunday. :)

Also, I want a koala.

Another one of the many reasons why I love him...

The bf and I went to Dave and Buster's tonight with the Manager, one of our Wednesday traditions once or twice a month. The bf and I usually head down a little early since the Manager doesn't get off until 7 (except starting Monday we switch to summer hours and he's off at 5 ALL SUMMER!! Granted, that means I'm there until 4:30, but I'm actually excited about the extra sleep in time) The bf hit jackpot on this ball dropping game he loves quite a few times. Now, we've been to D&B's quite a lot and have quite a few tickets saved up on the bf's Gold Card. (I think around 30,000) Anyways, the Manager and I were perusing the prize shop while the bf finished entering our most recent batch of tickets. We'd been chatting with a couple boys and their father about the games and whatnot, and the boys were amazed by the number of tickets we had to enter and already on the card.

Evidentally while I was in the shop looking at hysterically colored, oversized velvet ties, the bf found out through conversation that one of the boys' favorite video games had been stolen. Now, Dave and Busters actually had that game in the prize case. The boys didn't have enough tickets to get it though. I wasn't there for the actual conversation, but the bf decided to help them get the game. They fed the remainder of their new tickets onto the bf's card, and he "bought" the game for them. Haha, it's making me grin like an idiot right now just remembering it. :) The boys and their dad were so excited and SO thankful. I was SO proud of the bf for being such a generous, nice guy to complete strangers. I mean, I knew he was a generous nice guy, but it was so touching to see it in action. I know that he made that family's night, and that he totally fulfilled that little boy's wish. That in and of itself made my night. :)

Sunday Smorgasbord

I unfortunately do not have any new information about Dave's condition. Thank you for all of your prayers, please keep them coming. I promise to update as soon as I know more. I'm hoping to get an update sometime tomorrow.

Two trips to Disney's California Adventure = awesome. First trip wasn't so fun, what with the bf being in a REALLY bad mood all day and being a jerk while we were there...but he's since apologized profusely and we're all better now. Today's trip was AWESOME. Just a relaxed day with the bf and our friend Trickster. He's an amazing rider and like a little brother to both of us. (updated the nicknames post with his and a few other new nicknames)

Went to the mother/daughter luncheon with the bf's mom yesterday, we had a great time. This was her last year organizing/running it. She actually worked out that the Knights would host it and would make it into a family event next year. They'll do the bbq, etc. The ladies will still run the silent auction and raffle, etc. I think it's a great idea. It will bring in a lot more people and subsequently a lot more money for the fundraiser. (a center for the support of pregnant women and mothers, wonderful organization) The bf's mom and I talked about having a girl's day sometime with lunch and a chick flick. That should be fun, she really is such a sweet lady.

Swine Flu has everyone in a tizzy for no real reason. I get the significance, I think the media just needs to chill and find something else to focus on. They're inducing an unnecessary panic. That being said, there was a chance of the campus I work at closing. In such a case, I would be considered "essential staff" and would still have to work. Lame. But our student who was ill was tested negative for swine flu, so I think we're pretty safe for the time being.

Beth's posts over at A Mom's Life inspired me to buy and start the 3o Day Shred. I'm doing really well so far. Even started a separate blog to track my progress. (yes, I realize I'm posting more consistently there than I am here at the moment...I'm working on it)

I suppose that's about it for the moment. I think I'm going to get some sleep now. I hope everyone has a wonderful week!

One Year

Can you believe it's been a whole year? I certainly can't. So much has happened in the past year, so many wonderful memories. There were definitely moments I didn't think we would make it this far, but we have and we're still going strong. I'm more in love with him than ever.
This day one year ago, the bf (before he was the bf) came over to hang out and watch a movie at my apartment after work. We put on Hairspray, I remember because we didn't get all the way through it. Now, we'd been doing our dance for quite a while. He'd been there to help me move in to my fabulous new studio apartment. That was
the first day I really ever wanted to call him my boyfriend...I nearly slipped up then, it just felt so natural to have him there. We started playing tennis with some friends, we were playing 3 times a week at one point. About a month before we'd gone to happy hour at Casa with friends from work, and my friend Bee joined us. He flirted more with her than me that night, and paid her a lot of attention. While I thought it would be neat if two of my greatest friends got together, I was slightly jealous. I was used to having his full attention and the whole thing was rather disconcerting. To coin my phrase then, I was an attention whore...for his attention.

I laughed about it with Bee and the Sultan's Daughter.
Things continued, we talked ALL the time via text and im. I missed him when I wasn't talking to him. Now, you've probably heard me tell that I had a tendency to be skittish...which he knew. But he played it well, it got to the point where I was getting annoyed that he WASN'T making a move...which leads us to the night we watched Hairspray. We were cuddled on my bed watching the movie. I don't remember how it happened, but all I know is that for the millionth time he went 90% and I suddenly had a blast of courage and went the last 10% (it was a total Hitch moment) It was about dang time we finally kissed. Though, if you ask him about the story he'll tell you I attacked him. I think he was just over excited that it finally happened, I don't really think I attacked him. :)
Tonight he's taking me to the same Italian restaurant that he took me to for our one month date. I can't wait to be there again...and my tastebuds are definitely craving some chocolate crème brulée.

Happy Anniversary baby. I love you.

**sorry about the formatting...Blogger was not cooperating with me today

10 Months

Today marks the 10 month mark for my relationship with the bf. I can't believe it, who'd have thought I'd ever reach 10 months. It seems so slow and so fast at the same time, a complete contradiction. I love him more than ever too :)

I'm getting ready this morning to make a quick run to the Farmer's Market before he comes to steal me for the day. We're going to the vineyard we discovered on our 6 month. The owner should be near (or hopefully already has) bottled the orange muscat port that he had us try that was simply divine. After that we're going to grab a bite to eat before heading to Julien for the rest of the day. Should be quite wonderful. AND the rain has gone, for now. I love the rain, but it's awesome to have a bit of sunshine today, even if it's cool sunshine.

Master Carpenter

I think that's what I'm going to rename the bf, he's that awesome.

I've been wanting a new bookcase recently because mine is just too small, and I only have a fraction of my books with me. My dvd's are also spilling out of their case, and could stand to have a little space on my bookshelf. I looked around at some bookcases, but couldn't really find anything that fit what I wanted made with good quality and at a price I was willing to pay. Sure I found some nice items, but I am NOT going to pay $200+ for a little bookcase.

Resolution? The bf is building me a bookcase customized to my wants and needs. We've already purchased the supplies (a grand total of about $40 including tax) and we have the measurements for the design I want. I think I'm going to paint it a chocolate brown color. I was originally thinking black, but that just wouldn't go with my current bedroom set-a dark brown will. So we're going to spend today building my new bookcase.

Of course no project is complete without a nice break. The bf is also taking me to see Twilight tomorrow morning :) I'm so excited, I just started the third book. I'm prepared to enjoy the movie independently from the book, as I've had plenty of warning about the discrepancies and omissions from Bells and Renee (yeah, did you catch that? New nicknames. Check out the useful links on the right, it has a link to my ever growing nickname post)

I'll be sure to get up some pictures of my shiny new bookcase after it's done. Happy Saturday everyone!

Kitchen Fairy

I mentioned in my last post that the bf has to be to work somewhere around 4 am for a HUGE network upgrade that they're doing. Craaaaaazy stuff. Our Network Team and systems guys are going to be there SUPER early, and they're probably going to be there until noon. I asked the bf over dinner tonight if the management would be ordering them breakfast since they were going to be there so early. Imagine my surprise when he said no, probably just coffee and donuts. Now, I know that about 90% of our team who will be there are NOT married, and there is only one woman, but still, donuts and coffee for breakfast? For the group who will be physically replacing our entire campus network? HA!

So, after I sent the bf home early to try and get some sleep before he has to get up at an ungodly hour of the morning to go to work, I went to the store. Two stores actually. I was thinking at first that I'd just make the bf some homemade chai and take it over to him, but I know he won't drink the coffee or eat the donuts, and he tends to get short and cranky when he's hungry and has low blood sugar. But I'm friends with everyone who's going to be there, so I couldn't just take something for the bf, I'd feel bad (and probably get a really hard time about it) So I got a bunch of stuff for the guys. Bananas, oranges (cut into wedges in a bag), strawberries and a few yogurts. I was going to buy some muffins, but I don't have a Costco card, and buying muffins four in a thing gets to be somewhat pricey...so I got mixes (I wasn't feeling nice enough to make it from scratch) and made them a dozen blueberry muffins and a dozen chocolate chip muffins. I also got napkins, plates and spoons (which will work for the strawberries AND the yogurts) I also got a gallon of orange juice and some cups.

Of course the bf has no idea that I'm doing this, so I'm setting my alarm for just before 4 am. I'll drag myself out of bed to make him chai and then take everything over to campus. I know where he'll be (either his office or over by the cold room where they're doing the actual hardware changes) His truck is pretty unmistakable...and if I have trouble finding him, I can always call and feign a bad dream (yes I've done this...only for a real bad dream a few weeks ago that had me shaking and unable to fall back asleep for a while) I figure I can talk through the bad dream, ask him what he's up to/where he is. If he doesn't answer, chances are he's in the cold room...he doesn't have great signal in there.

Side random note: the cold room isn't really all that cold...at least I don't think so. A circuit breaker tripped in there several months ago and took down our entire network (minus res halls, thank goodness we didn't have cranky students). This was before the bf and I were dating, but we were talking when the network went down and he had to go to work, and I decided to take him and Lane (one of his two network co-workers...she's a sweetheart...older lady) drinks. Only I couldnt' find a place open that made chai for him, but I got Lane coffee and came over. I hung out for a few minutes with them, and then went upstairs to the other cold room with the pre-bf bf to see their other team member. Only our entire systems team was there working on stuff. And me? I was in my pajama pants and a tank top. So the joke is that our entire systems team has seen me in my pajamas...they made cracks about it being a pj party. It really was amusing. But the funniest thing is that I was in a tank top near midnight in the cold room and I was perfectly comfortable...and I looked around at our systems guys and they're all bundled in jackets and some of them even had on hats. It was rather amusing.

Wow...that was a long and random tangent. Anyways, I ought to get to sleep here since I too am going to be waking up in a few short hours. Of course it's by my own choice. And also? I get to come home and crawl back into bed. :)

Family Weekend

For all that, is it bad to admit that I didn't watch Frosted Pink? But before your jaw hits the floor, let me offer that I was at the zoo with the bf and my family, and I will be watching it tomorrow when I get the dvd recording from my boss who recorded it for me. I did get a call from my Grammy and Grams to let me know that they'd just seen me and thought it was absolutely great. :) I'm excited to watch it.
As for the weekend, it was absolutely fabulous having my family down here. We had a great time, and I loved having my little brothers stay here with me at my apartment. Truth be told, I'm really sad that they've all gone home now. (seriously...tears and everything) It's like reverse home sickness. I'm not usually like this, I just miss them a lot.
But the weekend was great. I walked my parents and brothers around to show off my neighborhood, my brothers adored the park. After we sent my parent's off on their way, the boys and I made Halloween cookies, had dinner and watched The Incredibles. Needless to say, in their excitement, it was a bit of a late night. But it was all a lot of fun.
Saturday we went to the museum and the boys got to dress up in Egyptian garb. We also got to hear this great performance of some authentic Chinese instruments. It was really neat...I want the bamboo flutes (of course) We had a light, late lunch and a hilarious game of Apples to Apples. (if you've never played this, do yourself a favor and get a copy...it's a great party game) Afterwards we headed over to Old Town to get our favorite Mexican food for dinner and have a parents' meeting. The bf and I think it went pretty well, our parents really seemed to get along great, everyone liked everyone else, and my brothers were adored by all. (as is right and usual...not that I'm biased or anything) we had a really great time, and walked around in the Old Town State Park for a while before heading home to get the boys to bed. It was a great day.
Yesterday we spent at the zoo. It was great because the bf's parents got us zoo passes for our birthdays. With those we got two free guest passes, which we were able to use to get my parents in for free. My youngest brother Munchkin got in for free because of their October promotion, so we only had to purchase a ticket for my older little brother, the Adventurer. We had a great time and took lots of pictures. My poor bf struggled on and off through the day, he hasn't been feeling too great lately, and definitely felt sick yesterday, but he was a real trooper. We came home and rested after the zoo, watched a bit of Cars, and then headed back to the park for a little bit since the Munchkin was begging to go back. (the bf headed home for some much needed rest) Made several little things for dinner while we all finished Cars, and then my parents headed back to their hotel for the night while the boys and I settled in to watch Toy Story 2 before bed.
This morning was fun, the boys and I had breakfast and got everything cleaned up, and were playing a game of Trouble before my parents came over. We loaded up the car and headed to my work, where the Adventurer and I worked in the media lab to transfer some video into digital format for a Boy Scout project he's been working on. It took forever because it transfers real time, so the bf volunteered to keep an eye on the conversion and burn it to dvd when it was ready. (which was particularly helpful since my family needed to be on the road by 1ish and it was already nearing 12.) A "quick" lunch at Mimi's and my family dropped me back at my apartment and left to head home.
It was really a wonderful weekend, just as excellent as I had hoped. Only thing is, I keep busting out the water works. I'm so sad that they had to go. I mean, I used to cry when my grandparents would leave after a visit...when I was much much younger. But this is just unusual. I just miss them I guess, and this was the first time my family has been down for a visit since I moved into my new apartment...my dad was the only one who'd seen it, since he's the one who helped me move in. Luckily the bf is coming over after work, and is forwarned that I'm just a little sad right now. It's going to be so weird without my brothers asleep on the air mattress on my floor tonight. :( There I go again, making myself sad. It was just a great visit and I'm sad that it had to end.

Mending Fences

For such a positive, happy person, I sometimes forget just how important a can-do attitude and a little determination can be, and consequently am sometimes astonished by the results. I by no means have corrected the effects of neglecting my friends, but a little outreach filled with love has gone a long way in less than a day. I'm already working to make plans and make sure that I don't neglect anyone anymore. The bf and I had a great talk this morning about all of it. He's really happy that, unlike last time I decided my life needed to be balanced, this time I talked to him about it first and explained how I was feeling and what I was thinking to do. (thereby avoiding the mess that nearly broke us up during our third month...I'm sure many of you remember those whiny posts) I still need to be sure to not neglect him either, but work more for the balance.
I have a phone date with a friend on Sunday, and I'm visiting an old friend on Monday who happens to be a priest (interesting story, but that is a blog post unto itself)
I'm also taking the Sultan's Daughter's advice to actually call my friends, because they do care and they do miss me. Somehow, somewhere in there I'd gotten convinced that I wasn't missed and that they didn't care. Crazy, right? She was certain to point that out to me last night. It was really due to a simple im message from her a few days ago that kicked my butt and brought me back to reality, gave me the energy that I needed to right things. And I'm happy about it.

I'm making it sound like everything's better already, and it's on it's way, but still a work in progress, and it's far from being perfect. I'd talked to Bee earlier in the week about maybe taking Friday as a movie/art project evening. She hadn't sounded overly enthused or entirely free. I'm not sure if we talked about it more than once (I think we did). But from the vibes I got, I figured we weren't doing anything tonight. So I accepted the dinner invite from the bf's parents this morning. Only to get a text around 6 or so asking if I wanted to do dinner since I'd mentioned maybe being free. I felt awful. I don't think I did anything wrong, but after the conversation we had last night, and with everything I'm trying to work on, it was kinda like, duh stupid. But like I said, it's a work in progress, and I've only just begun. I just have to show her through actions that I'm making a sincere effort to balance and not neglect anyone. It's only a matter of time.

Before I close tonight and get some much needed sleep, I have a prayer request that nearly breaks my heart, especially because I just found out about it. (what can you expect when you go mia for so long) But the Sultan's Daughter's father is more or less dying from lung cancer. It's a very hard and painful situation that I know I only begin to understand on the surface. But if you all wouldn't mind keeping all of her family in your prayers, it would mean a lot to me. I was so glad she told me, but also shocked because I didn't know what to say. So I'm going to pray the rosary, for her father. The rosary helps me focus, especially when my mind just won't seem to shut itself up.

Meeting Yourself

I've determined that my thoughts flow best at night. I'm not entirely certain if this is because it's calm and quiet under the cover of darkness, or if the end of the day tired removes the writer's block and hesitancies that that so often plague my words. That being said, I just completely lost my train of thought...

Oh there it went. You were all incredibly supportive during the roller coaster ride that defined the third month of my relationship, and for that I am extremely grateful. I know that I haven't said much after the fact (mostly because even I got tired of listening to me whine), but I can confidently say that those were growing pains...and we weathered them out. You know that old cliche where it's not the other person it's you, but when it's said we all know it really is the other person? Well in this case, the majority of it really was me. Looking back now, I can see things much more clearly. Sure the bf played his own part...but I hate to admit that I maybe provoked the reactions I got with the behavior I displayed. It's been a definite learning process. Making the decision to let go and trust someone to catch you is easily made. Doing so easily? Doesn't always follow like that. But I'm learning, and growing...and we can both feel the positive outcomes of all of our growing.

It's interesting how much you learn about yourself in a relationship. I've always maintained that it's important to know who you are just as you before you can even think about figuring out and defining you + someone else. But now, I think that's only part of it. Knowing yourself is still critical...but I'm learning more and more that learning who you are when you're with someone else? That's pretty important too. Without that you are very one-sided, and that's the opposite of well roundedness. You have to know yourself alone and in other interpersonal relationships. And it takes a lot of patience and understanding and maybe a flared temper or two, but in the end? It can be prove to be completely worth it. I definitely think this one has been worth it.

Mamma Mia

This has to be one of the best movies I've ever seen. The bf took me on an impromptu date tonight, part of which was seeing this movie. I even leaned over during the movie and told him it was the best movie I'd ever seen.
Yes, it's cheesy at points. Yes, it had me crying I was laughing so hard at other points. I fell in love with ABBA music back in junior high/high school when A*Teens came out and redid a lot of their songs and mimicked their style. My mom loved ABBA, so she and I share that. I've loved Amanda Seyfried since her role in Veronica Mars. I think she was a perfect cast for this (of couse, admittedly having never seen the stage production) Meryl Streep, Pierce Brosnan and Colin Firth were all wonderful too, and so was the rest of the cast.

I have to say, I'm loving this trend of putting musicals to the big screen. I know that some people are completely against it, but it's made me fall even further in love with Broadway shows, and in my opinion, brings amazing shows to people who otherwise would not have the opportunity to experience them. I mean, Phantom of the Opera? I saw the movie first and fell in love with it, though admittedly it was PHENOMENAL when I finally saw it on stage about a month ago. I had no clue what Hairspray was when I went to see it with my friend last summer, and completely fell in love with that. And how could I forget Rent? And now I've fallen in love with Mamma Mia. I swear, I need to go to New York again (finally) and just basically LIVE on Broadway for a few weeks and see EVERYTHING. Seriously.

I will warn you that this one does get a little cheesy and possibly even over the top at times...but come on, it's a musical. It's a comedy. It was absolutely wonderful. Also? I want to visit Greece...even more than when I watched Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Incidentally, I also want to see the newest movie of that. But really, though the first one was GREAT, read the books, they're even better...same with the newest version of Pride and Prejudice (the one with Keira Knightley), read the book, it's AMAZING. And if you have to go for a movie, block out some time for the A&E version with Colin Firth. It's about as true to the text as you can get, and hello...5 hours of watching Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy? Need I say more?

La-di-da....oh hey, there's my train of thought come round to pick me up. Mamma Mia was amazing. I can't wait for it to come out on dvd. I'm rather disappointed that my A*Teens cd is at home and not in my cd case down here. I should also borrow my mom's ABBA cd next time I'm home...I never did put it on my computer. Also, thank you so much to everyone for the prayers and warm wishes for my mom. She is doing a lot better, and I actually got to see her for a while on Sunday. (we had a half-birthday lunch for my Great-Grams) It was relieving to be able to see firsthand that she was doing alright. And I have it on good authority that my wonderful little Angel puppy is doing quite well.

Final aside, I've been kind of mia in the blog world recently. Work has been crazy and I've barely been home. We're all gearing up for the freshmen move-in and beginning of school. But I'm slowly catching up on my blog reader and will try to get back to posting more regularly.

Sunny Sunday

It began as one of those beautiful Southern California summer mornings. Cool and clear, bit of haze out over the ocean to the west. Wake up naturally around 7:20...doze in bed until about 7:45. Wake up in the crisp, cool morning to get ready. Slather in sunscreen to let it soak in, don't want to get burned. (again)
Out the door by 8:45, beach bag in hand, skin ready to face the bright sunshine, already in a swim suit complete with brand new board shorts (purchased of course from the men's department swimming suit area on clearance...they fit so much better, are cuter, and WAY cheaper than the girls' stuff, seriously)
Quick trip over the bridge, windows down to smell the cool salt air. Visiting a new place by the water (will discover later that it is complete with swings) Not sure about the location, but see the bf's truck...hard to miss. Meet the bf and family, camera out to capture the nephew playing in the sand by the water.
Water cool against the feet, but refreshing. Lots and lots of pictures, sitting by the water. Friends show up with toys. Really neat toys. The bf and friends go out for a ride. Come back and it's my turn to come. Holding tight to the bf...drenched in the first few minutes by wakes from friends. (intentional of course...think it's funny) New feelings, but not unwelcome. Exhilarating is really the best adjective. 5 mph on the way out, can't speed until the second buoy. Pass the second buoy, race towards the bridge. Under the bridge...it really is big looking up from the bottom. Past the bridge, past the ferry landing, past the village, past the museum...out and around. Playing games, getting wet, lots of splashing...holding on tight, going faster. Pause to wave hello to the sea lions sunning on a navigational buoy. Out to the lighthouse, past more sea lions on buoys, out to the open ocean. Watch out for kelp and sea grass, clog the intakes. Jumping waves...friend takes 6 foot jump, hear him cheering from far off. Pause for friends to clean out their intakes, abandon streaked and salty sunglasses to the compartment...can see clearly again. Back to the beach, racing through wakes, waving to boats. Pause for the bf to point out a familiar research vessel. Race back, back past the museum, past the village, the ferry landing, under the bridge. Slow to 5 mph at the second buoy...slow all the way in. Beach and anchor. Arms sore from holding onto the bf, legs sore from gripping the jet ski.
BBQ lunch on the beach, absolutely delicious. Drying off in the sun, more pictures. Boys go out to play again. Trying to even out a slight tan. Kids play, lots more pictures.
The bf comes back, my turn to drive. Take the red one, it's better, easier to handle. Teaching and learning, 5 mph to the second buoy, good learning time. Hit the second buoy, speed up (but not much) Exhilarating doesn't even describe the feeling. Stop and go, little shrieks, little jumps. Very different in the driver's seat, but strong arms from behind providing security. Learning to turn into the waves, don't want to tip over. Choppy waters, learning to steer. Out to the bridge, under and around. Coming in, pass the Navy Police. Circle back at the second buoy, back to the bridge. Conquering fear, learning to handle the new toy. Circle the bridge, racing back. 28 mph top speed, try for 30 but chicken out. Second buoy, 5 mph again. Riding gently, bumping over waves. Coming to anchor, pictures taken, circling around, more pictures, this time with the bf. Anchor and wade back to shore. Soaking wet, lots of smiles. Short time to rest and dry before heading home.
Walk to the car, back to the bridge...this time over instead of under. Home for quick shower and turn around with friend to go to mass. Sit down at mass, instant exhaustion from a wonderful day and a desire to go out with the newfound favorite toys again soon. Fabulous Southern California day with the bf, his family and friends.

Late Night Thoughts

I'm sure anyone who comes across my blog or has read any of it in the past 3 weeks is sick of hearing of the in and out, up and down drama that's been going on with the bf. There were several "talks" after which we were "okay". Finally had a good one Monday that seemed to really actually resolve things. Well, we've had another one tonight. I'm quite impressed with how quickly we went down and up on this one. Less than a day, rather than 2 weeks. That's improvement, right? I mean, it sucks that any of the drama is happening. When it boils down to it? This is the part of the relationship where our differences are being made clear, and we're learning how to work with them. Unfortunately we both still have a lot of growing up to do, albeit in different facets of our life. My growing up very much centralizes in terms of actually being in a relationship, while his tend to gear towards healthy ways of dealing with stress and controlling his mind. (which, in the context of our conversations makes way more sense than I'm sure it does at this moment here in my blog) Of course, the fact that we are both incredibly stubborn individuals does nothing to aid the situation. As my mother so gently put it this morning, we're having a territorial pissing contest. Sad thing is, she's not wrong. But we've definitely made progress in being able to talk about things and figure things out. And yes, it's going to take time, and sometimes it's a little discouraging. But I have hope, and that's a very powerful thing.

I'm learning that compromise doesn't mean I've lost my independence. I'm also learning that sometimes it's necessary to reign in that independent me just slightly so that it doesn't completely walk over people. It's like civil liberties, they only extend so far as they don't encroach on another person's rights. (yeah yeah, not the exact wording, but close enough) My independence is fine so long as it doesn't completely submarine someone else's right to independence or happiness. The trick is in finding the balance. My goal is to try and temper my reactions to things that trigger that stubborn independent side of me. This is really important because the bf? Words aren't his strongest suit, and he doesn't always say things right. He's trying, but definitely still learning. So, while he learns how to use words effectively and appropriately, I'll be working on turning my instant independent reactions to things into questions saying, "hey what did you mean by that?" or, "hey, that kind of triggered the independent streak, what did you really mean?". I'll admit, I'm rather protective of my independence, and it's tough going learning how to balance that with being in a relationship. This is all a complete learning curve for me. But I'm heartened by our ability to talk and explain things. It's a process, but I think it's worth it. We also both need to not jump to conclusions or assume things that are not said. That gets us into more trouble than anything else I think. Again with this whole growing up thing. To quote Meredith Grey, "We're adults. When did that happen, and how do we make it stop?" I mean seriously.

I will eventually get the hang of this, right? I'm not a completely hopeless case? I mean, bottom line, when it comes down to it, I'm head over heals for the bf. Which is why all this drama hurts us both so much. But, we're doing okay, and we're getting better. Just learning how this all works and how we work, both as individuals and as a couple. Wow, those are all like, really grown up things that I never really expected to come out of my mouth (or in this case, my fingers)

PhotoStory Friday: Fireworks

Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

"Fireworks"

One of the pictures I took during the fireworks after a great Padres game with the bf and his parents. It was a good game, even though they lost. And besides, the evening ended with fireworks, so it couldn't be a total loss. Plus, I love baseball, I love going to the stadium. Unless it's the World Series, I'm not a fan of baseball on tv. I'd rather be there in person, it's exciting.

And for those of you keeping track, and leaving me such wonderful supportive comments, the bf and I had our talk this afternoon. It was not fun, far from it in fact. But the long and the short of it is, he's not a huge fan of it and it's not easy for him, but he's willing to slow down, to give me the time I need. He said he'd do anything because he loves me more than anything in the world. Doesn't make it easy, but it says a lot that he's even willing to try. Things will be awkward for a little while, I understand that. But I hope they'll be right soon enough. Thank you all for all of your support and encouragement, it really helped me deal with all of this. I hope you all have a wonderful Friday and a fabulous weekend!


Today's post is inspired by the lovely ladies in the link below. Come play PSF with us, it's fun!

Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

What I Want

There I was, walking with purpose across the grass, trying to reach this tall, white columned building. But the building was under construction, and it took some convincing to let me go near it. I had to balance my way across the wooden boards over the trench like openings to get to the stairs. Somewhere along the way I'd run into the bf, who was carrying my overflowing bag and my purchases from Target. (purchases mind you, that I'd barely gotten because somehow I lost track of time and had been in their fifteen minutes after they closed) We finally made it to the entrance and went up the narrow stairwell. At the top we turned to the right, working our way past numbered doors, everything looked very old, like an old hotel almost. I checked my cell phone to see what office to go into. I selected the door, and went in. Only it didn't look like where I was supposed to be. It was a crowded, dilapidated room with creaky, dusty wooden floor boards. Screens hanging from the ceiling created individual spaces where small children were practicing instruments. My eyes locked on a child with a flute, then another with some other instrument, maybe a clarinet, I don't remember. I was in the wrong place. I retreated back to the hallway, the bf still in tow. I must have gotten it wrong somehow. I called him, to find out if I'd gotten the number wrong somehow. His assistant met me at the door down the opposite end of the hallway. It was much brighter over here. The bf stayed outside, in the waiting area I assume, as I entered. I went into the back, and was surprised to see my friend M from work. He's one of our top techs here, and we poke at each other but do get along, especially when it comes to the technical parts of our jobs. M stayed as the counselor directed me to a chair, himself kicking back on a sophisticated looking bed. My friend M was in a chair on the opposite side of the room. The counselor began asking questions, though I don't remember what they were, and I can't remember what I said.

And then I woke up. It was quite seriously one of the oddest dreams I've had and actually remembered. I'm not one for reading particular significance and signs into dreams, but the timing of this one is very interesting. The counselor part may have been influenced by me staying up till midnight reading The Five Love Languages for Singles. (it made more sense to be reading that one rather than the one for marriages...which was the one I bought initially) Prior to beginning the book, I spent a while writing down things that have been brought up in the last week or two that need to be addressed when the bf and I talk later today. And I wrote down how I was feeling (more for me to help consolidate my thoughts so I can be coherent and understandable when we talk). The biggest realization through all this that I made, is that I'm not ready to be in this serious of a relationship. We haven't even been dating for four months, and we're talking about marriage and it's sort of become this big end goal. I mean, half the time we act like we're already married. And I simply am not ready to be that serious yet. And I got carried away at the beginning, I jumped in head over heels and got swept away, and am only now beginning to surface and figure things out. Truthfully, this is the longest, most significant relationship I've ever had. Really, comparatively, it's the only one I've ever really had. So this is all new and unfortunately I'm not going to get it all right on the first try. And hopefully, the bf will be willing to wait for me. Right now I just want to have a fun dating relationship, I don't want to already be considered a unit, I don't want to handle schedules for two, because honestly, we're not married yet. I don't want to spend 24/7 with him, it's just too serious, too fast. And don't worry, once I know what I want (or in this case don't want), I'm very open and honest and forward about relating that. I'll be nice and calm and use all the appropriate "I" statements, but I won't lie later when we talk about everything. And all I can do is hope for the best and hope for understanding, and I'll in turn understand if he can't wait and give me patience.

Things are not yet resolved, but will be later today, one way or another. And I have to admit, that despite this pending conversation, I feel lighter than I have in weeks. I finally know what I want, and what I don't. It's a relieving and freeing feeling.

The Downside of Growing Up

I've been struggling with writing. I don't know what to write, I don't know what to say. I want so badly to bare my soul and ask for advice, for the collective wisdom of those of you kind souls who take the time to read these little pieces of my life. I feel deceitful if I just post about any old thing, when there are really bigger, more serious things on my mind. But it's not just about me, and I don't know how much to say, don't know how to ask for advice if I can't share the whole story. It's not just my own soul I'd be baring, and I don't have permission to do that.

I mentioned in my last post that the bf and I had a rough week but that I thought we were past it. But we're not. And I'm trying very hard to deal with it. Some things have been blown out of proportion, other things have built up silently over time, a lot of it has to do with us having completely different views on things. My mom calls them love languages. I actually just got off the phone with my mom, we talked about some of what was going on (she knew something was up even before I admitted it). She recommended that I get a copy of The 5 Love Languages, she said I'd be surprised by how much they apply, and it would help with understanding. I'm planning to try to get a copy tomorrow at the library on my way home.

Part of it is that we react to things differently, in addition to having different points of view. And it sucks. I am a very independent person, and I'm incredibly stubborn. The bf is almost as stubborn as I am, so of course we're making this really suck.

And quite honestly, I'm scared. This is my first big, real, serious, significant relationship. This is the first time I've managed to stay any significant amount of time without getting skittish. It's a big step for me. And when the bf was gone and I was home sick with mono, I had time to think. And I realized how scared I was, because I was so attached. I am so attached. And that makes me vulnerable, and that's new for me. And I don't necessarily know how to deal with that. And I pulled back a little bit, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, I mean, we haven't even been dating for four months. We've already talked about getting married. And I love him. But I've been realizing more and more that I don't want to rush it. I want to take my time and enjoy the journey. And that means taking it slow. But I know that me not actually verbalizing my feelings (partly because it wasn't an entirely conscious process) just left the bf wondering what was going on. It's just like we're stuck on this wheel, like a hamster getting dizzy, feeding off of each other and blowing things out of proportion and going back and forth and being stubborn.
And we want different things. In such situations I've learned that the bf wants to be holdy and huggy and kissy, and for me, I can't do that. Which is another source of frustration and conflict. (love languages, I really need to read that) But for me, being held when I'm in such a place is confining and caging and it just makes it worse. After things are resolved, it's then that I want to be held. Anything before resolution is just a bandaid for me.

I just don't know what to do. I'm trying to do some reflection and thought, processing things that were said and brought up today. Ultimately I know that we have to (calmly) see where we stand, and if there is a happy middle. And it hurts to think that maybe we won't find that. I love him, more than anything. But I also know that learning these sorts of things is the main purpose of dating. It's testing the waters for compatibility. And sure, not everything will be perfect, but we have to learn if they are imperfections we can live with, or if it's simply not meant to be. It all makes me tired, and I just want it to be over now. I hope that we will talk in the next few days and figure it out (hinging on me being ready) See, I'm not the kind of person you want to react instantly and passionately in the heat of the moment. I'm generally a very calm, rational person. But often times I need to take a step back to evaluate and process before addressing something, and I know the bf doesn't like that wait. I agree that it sucks. But if I had responded to the issues brought up this afternoon in our im chat (yeah, we shouldn't have these conversations on im when we're at work...we're dumb like that...it's hard not to talk about it) if I had responded in the moment to these things, there is a VERY good chance that everything would have ended in that chat window. It may suck to wait, but it's much better than the alternative.

So I just don't know. How far do you compromise? Where do you find the middle ground? When is it too far gone to save? (I don't think we're there though) How much do you give in? These are things I don't know, and I'm learning. This is all very new for me, and unfortunately the bf is subject to experiencing my trial and error, it's a learning process. I just hope it's a learning process we make it through. I don't know. This is not fun. Can I please skip this part of growing up?