Fighting to Breathe

Let's start this by saying that asthma sucks. I don't get it very often, it's usually illness induced, occasionally weather changes are the cause and one time it was stress induced. But when I feel my lungs constrict and feel like bricks are being placed upon them, when I start wheezing and coughing so bad I get horrible headaches and my throat starts hurting, I know it's time to pull out my trusty inhaler. One or two puffs from a non-expired inhaler brings nearly instant relief with air rushing back into my chest. Only now it's not such a trusty inhaler. Not since the environmental...enthusiasts...got ahold of it. Now it sucks. The relief is no longer forthcoming, and I have to turn to my nebulizer for a breathing treatment, just to get the medicine into my lungs. And according to the doctor I just saw, apparently this mediocre inhaler is going away too, and is going to turn to the powder type. Now, I've had powder inhalers, and they're great for their purpose...which functions as a long term solution for treating and preventing asthma symptoms. It is not fast acting. It is not an emergency inhaler.

I am mad. I am furious. I may not need my inhaler very frequently, but it's reassuring to know that it's there when I need it, waiting to send a burst of medicine in to free my constricted airways. And I usually do not have it so bad initially that I need the absolute emergency feature of the rescue inhaler. But lots of people do. My brother and two of my cousins for instance. My little brother has had to deal with asthma his whole life, and sometimes that rescue inhaler is vital. Same for my cousins...and multiple other members of my family.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for saving the environment. But really. In the grand scheme of things, I don't think a few rescue inhaler are going to do too much damage. Why don't they focus on the big things that hurt the environment like cars, chemical plants, deforestation? I would be willing to bet that the people who started attacking rescue inhalers and similar medical technology have never relied on one before. I'm sorry that my desire to breathe is so awful to you. To those who initiated these changes, leave us the hell alone and go "fix" something else. Your "input" is not wanted nor is it welcome. Now I'm going to go to a breathing treatment so that I might have a few minutes without coughing and feeling like I can't breathe. And when I finally get this under control and can breathe again, I'm going to go to my cupboard and take my old expired rescue inhaler outside somewhere, and I'm going to puff it until it's empty.

Happy Days

I was trying to pull my words together for a post when I remembered one I'd read earlier. Heather posted about things that make her happy, it was really a great list. I decided that I wanted to make one of my own. So in no particular order, here is a list of some of the things that make me happy:

• my fiance
• my family
• long talks with my mom
• the sparkly ring on my finger (and everything it symbolizes)
• rain (especially thunderstorms)
• a steaming cup of soy chai (but not too steaming, or I can't drink it for a while!)
• a wonderful book
• hearing music that intrigues me
• listening to old favorites
• reading hilarious stories on notalwaysright.com (seriously, helps relieve stress at work)
• riding my quad with the fiance
• talking to my little brothers in the morning
• thinking and dreaming about my wedding
• girl weekends with my cousin Ariel
• taking pictures
• the first day of school smell
• pumpkins and cool weather
• roaring fires with hot chocolate
• cuddling with my fiance
• playing with my puppy
• art projects
• making things for family and friends
• designing and baking cakes
• fireworks
• sunshine
• Christmas lights
• wrapping gifts
• smiling
• laughing
• being silly
• long summer days
• fall colors
• strawberries
  

Ready to Ride

Getting ready to head out. This weekend marks the first desert trip of the season. I cannot express how excited I am to get back out there. It's so relaxing and fun being out there with our friends, away from the city. We're approaching the season with a new tactic of inexpensive and easy. We're pre-making just about all the food, keeping it simple. It saves time and energy on prep and cleanup, and gives us more time to ride. Keeping things simple also means that we have more money that can go towards our wedding.

Just gotta get through the work day and then we're outta here! Can't wait to get back on my quad, it's actually mine now. The fiance traded his 400 that our friends crashed for their 250 plus a little extra to make it an equal trade. The 250 is now officially ours :) I can't wait to go riding! (and I promise to be very careful)

He's Awake!!!!

I know it's been quite some time, but I have some wonderful news to share. You may remember my dad's friend who was in that really bad accident quite a few months ago.

My mom just imed me to give me the wonderful news that Dave is awake and has been awake for about a week!! He is talking and sleeping and waking up, and he even took a few steps today! He still has a long road ahead of him, but he is awake and healing, this is incredible! Thank you so much for all of your prayers, I know that they have made a big difference for Dave and his family. Please pray that he continues to heal and recover.

Do it right the first time

Haha, typical me to post that I'm engaged, throw up a couple pictures of the absolutely gorgeous (and VERY sparkly) ring on my finger and then disappear.

I would rent the first apartment I ever looked at because it was absolutely perfect, and then not too long after start the first real and serious relationship I've ever had.

And then, 18 months later, would become engaged to the first guy I was ever in a real and serious relationship with and fell madly, head over heels in love with.

Because that's how I roll. I guess that when it comes to things that truly matter, I just know how to pick 'em right the first time.

All I can do is smile. I'm getting married! :)

Disclaimer - I promise some regular posts will come soon, but I'm still walking on a cloud and I'm finding it incredibly difficult to focus on anything but smiling.

The Ring

As promised, here are a couple shots of my amazingly gorgeous and sparkly engagement ring. I cannot stop looking
at it!!! It's just so sparkly and shiny. I absolutely love it. The fiance did good, very good. It was the most perfect, romantic proposal ever. We've already started planning.

The One Where She Says Yes

I am absolutely ecstatic to share something, especially following the more melancholy post yesterday. Thank you to everyone for your kind wishes, I really appreciate it. I am officially changing the bf's nickname. He is now the fiance!!! We got engaged last night!!!! =D

It was so perfect! Yesterday was our 18 month anniversary since we started dating. He took me to the Italian restaurant that he took me to for our one month and one year anniversaries. :) After dinner he came over to my side of the table with this wine carrier, which he'd said earlier had presents in it for me but there wasn't wine. When he opened it, there was wine...he gestured to it and I pulled out one of the bottles. It was inscribed with the verse: "There are three things that last faith, hope and love, and the greatest of these is love." Below that it has a Celtic cross with Celtic knots and whatnot. Below that it says "will you marry me and love me always and forever" and then has the date, October 8, 2009. And then he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him! =D =D =D

I am SO excited!!!!! It was even more significant since yesterday was exactly one year to the day that he took me to Julien for our 6 month anniversary, after which we stopped at the winery where we work sometimes. It's also the day that I first tasted the tawny port wine there that was and is still in the barrel. I've been waiting for them to bottle it for the past year. I now have the first and only two bottles currently in existence. He let the fiance bottle it and cork it and everything himself. :) We're friends with another winery couple up there that also does bottle etching. He etched the bottles for the fiance!!

I am so absolutely ecstatic. I am floating on a cloud and I can't stop smiling! =D

Dancing with Angels

I didn't get the chance to know you long, but I'm glad for the time we had. I liked you from the moment I met you, the twinkle in your eye, the feisty nature of your spirit and your sharp wit. I loved to see your smile light your eyes. I understood that you didn't always get along with everyone, that you were often critical and cross, but you were always nice to me. I was sad as your health and mind deteriorated. I'm sad that I didn't get to know you better, to see you more, especially as things sped rapidly downhill. You were always in my prayers though, which was as close as I was able to be.

I know it is for the best. I know you're in a better place, out of pain, no longer debilitated by the degeneration of your earthly mind. But I'll still miss you. I never told anyone, but I had this picture of dancing with you someday at my wedding to your grandson. I think you would have liked that, I think he would have too. But I now won't get to, because now you are dancing with the angels. Rest in peace, I will miss you.*


*Please keep the bf and his family in your prayers. His grandfather passed away late Tuesday night.

The Birthday Barrette

I have this lovely little barrette, I've had it for nearly as long as I can remember. It's a rather pretty little thing, slightly dulled with age but still beautiful. It has bright, bold beads attached to a silver barrette, and strung through those beads are heart shaped beads that clickety clack when I move or shake my head. Now, I'm sure I wore it more often than this, but since I was little, I remember always wearing it on my birthday. I fondly call it my birthday barrette, I look forward to clipping it into my hair every year.

Today I snapped it into my hair and smiled at the familiar clickety clack of the heart beads bumping into each other. Today my barrette makes a trip to Disneyland to celebrate 24. It's going to be a great day. :)

Tricks 'n things

I was so excited to finally be posting again and sharing some great pictures of the puppy that I forgot to share all her commands and tricks that she knows!! Of course there are the standard commands - sit, down (lie down), shake, come, stay. She has also learned leave it, take it and drop it. The really cool ones are high five (taught by our trainer), play dead (the bf turned this natural behavior into a command), kisses (yours truly) and crawling...sometimes. We will probably work on getting her to wave, our trainer showed us how to teach it, we just haven't worked on it much yet.

The three of us (the bf, puppy and I) had a fabulous day that started with breakfast at our favorite local coffee shop, followed by a day working in the tasting room at the winery, and then a BaaaaaaaarBQ at a friend's house. (it's International Talk Like a Pirate Day) We were going to have the bbq regardless, but it made a great reason and theme for the evening. Hung out with some friends and made some nice new ones, it was a lovely evening. Tomorrow we're hanging out down at the bf's place. His mom recently had a surgery and is recovering but still sore. We're having a bit of a birthday celebration since she and I share a birthday on Wednesday (the 23rd), and the bf's birthday is 6 days after. It should be a lovely relaxed day. We're up at my parents' next weekend for my brother's birthday party (he turned 13!!!) It will be a happy birthday to me and the bf as well, but the focus will be my brother. I'm making his cakes. I'm making two just to make sure we have enough. I'll tell you more about it later, complete with pictures.