Welcome 2011

I cannot believe it is 2011. It is shaping up to be a year of amazing changes and new adventures. It's been ages since I sat down to write anything, though there has been plenty to write about. I hope that 2010 treated you each well and holds many fond memories and starting points for an amazing 2011.

There are so many new and exciting as well as a few sad events to share. Rather than try to cram them all into one massively long (and possibly boring) catch up post, I'll put them into a few smaller posts over the upcoming days. A fond hello to all my friends and cheers to the new friends sure to come in the upcoming adventures of 2011.

Warmth Awakens

Once upon a time there was a girl. This girl was very organized and on top of things. She always felt like she was skiing over the avalanche of life rather than trying desperately to stay ahead of it or even worse, falling under it. Life was good. Somewhere along the way she started slipping, forgetting little things here and there, letting other things slide by the wayside because she just didn't have the energy to keep it all going. It began so gradually that she didn't even notice. When she began noticing, she ignored it, not consciously recognizing the signs and implications. She chalked it up to an off day or an anomaly. Little by little, she began to slip down in front of the avalanche. Before she knew it, she was swept away under the current of the flow, popping her head out briefly for gulps of air and a glimpse of the sky.

Time passed as she was swept along the course of the avalanche, watching everything fly along beside her, wondering when exactly she slipped underneath, and how in the world she was going to get back up. Others began to notice how far below the snow she'd slipped, especially a boy. Her precarious position was a source of some argument from the boy, and rightfully so. But it only made her slip all the farther beneath the snow.

Then one day, the sun came out and began to melt the snow around her. She realized that there was no easy answer, no recriminations- sometimes you just slip below the avalanche. Rather than waiting around wishing for a magical reappearance back on top of the rushing snow, she realized that she needed to climb her way back up herself. Baby steps. And little by little, she would emerge again on top, in control, organized and feeling good. Back to the basics, just like how she got on top of it all before. All it took was a little sunshine to warm and awaken her.

Words of Wisdom-a post around quotes

I haven't done a quote post in a while, but I have a building list in an email draft that I save each time I get a daily quote email that really speaks to me. These ones really seem to fit my life.

"I can't give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: Try to please everybody all the time."
– Herbert Bayard Swope

I think I'm guilty of this at times, especially lately. I need to remember that sometimes I need to take care of me first. I can't please everyone all the time, and quite honestly, I don't want to...can you imagine how exhausting that would be?

"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."
– Anna Quindlen

We as humans are not perfect, far from it in fact. But that's okay, that's part of the beauty of living. We can be perfect in our own ways and we do that by becoming ourselves. We make mistakes, it's how we learn. And on that note...

"Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience."
– Victoria Holt

What a wonderful sentiment that so many of us often forget. I know I'm guilty of that one. I recognize things as experience...but I think I regret too much sometimes. I think I'm going to adopt this sentiment to live life without regrets. What a great attitude to have about life. And to wrap up...

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
– Theodore Seuss Giesel

Everything can always come back to Dr. Seuss. This is one of my favorite sayings, one which I seem to frequently forget...you know, while I'm off trying to please everyone. Of course saying what you feel doesn't have to mean you say the first thing that pops into your head, there is always room for tact and diplomacy. But saying what you feel is important...you can't expect people to divine your inner thoughts. It's not fair to them and it will only frustrate or upset you.

What I Want

There I was, walking with purpose across the grass, trying to reach this tall, white columned building. But the building was under construction, and it took some convincing to let me go near it. I had to balance my way across the wooden boards over the trench like openings to get to the stairs. Somewhere along the way I'd run into the bf, who was carrying my overflowing bag and my purchases from Target. (purchases mind you, that I'd barely gotten because somehow I lost track of time and had been in their fifteen minutes after they closed) We finally made it to the entrance and went up the narrow stairwell. At the top we turned to the right, working our way past numbered doors, everything looked very old, like an old hotel almost. I checked my cell phone to see what office to go into. I selected the door, and went in. Only it didn't look like where I was supposed to be. It was a crowded, dilapidated room with creaky, dusty wooden floor boards. Screens hanging from the ceiling created individual spaces where small children were practicing instruments. My eyes locked on a child with a flute, then another with some other instrument, maybe a clarinet, I don't remember. I was in the wrong place. I retreated back to the hallway, the bf still in tow. I must have gotten it wrong somehow. I called him, to find out if I'd gotten the number wrong somehow. His assistant met me at the door down the opposite end of the hallway. It was much brighter over here. The bf stayed outside, in the waiting area I assume, as I entered. I went into the back, and was surprised to see my friend M from work. He's one of our top techs here, and we poke at each other but do get along, especially when it comes to the technical parts of our jobs. M stayed as the counselor directed me to a chair, himself kicking back on a sophisticated looking bed. My friend M was in a chair on the opposite side of the room. The counselor began asking questions, though I don't remember what they were, and I can't remember what I said.

And then I woke up. It was quite seriously one of the oddest dreams I've had and actually remembered. I'm not one for reading particular significance and signs into dreams, but the timing of this one is very interesting. The counselor part may have been influenced by me staying up till midnight reading The Five Love Languages for Singles. (it made more sense to be reading that one rather than the one for marriages...which was the one I bought initially) Prior to beginning the book, I spent a while writing down things that have been brought up in the last week or two that need to be addressed when the bf and I talk later today. And I wrote down how I was feeling (more for me to help consolidate my thoughts so I can be coherent and understandable when we talk). The biggest realization through all this that I made, is that I'm not ready to be in this serious of a relationship. We haven't even been dating for four months, and we're talking about marriage and it's sort of become this big end goal. I mean, half the time we act like we're already married. And I simply am not ready to be that serious yet. And I got carried away at the beginning, I jumped in head over heels and got swept away, and am only now beginning to surface and figure things out. Truthfully, this is the longest, most significant relationship I've ever had. Really, comparatively, it's the only one I've ever really had. So this is all new and unfortunately I'm not going to get it all right on the first try. And hopefully, the bf will be willing to wait for me. Right now I just want to have a fun dating relationship, I don't want to already be considered a unit, I don't want to handle schedules for two, because honestly, we're not married yet. I don't want to spend 24/7 with him, it's just too serious, too fast. And don't worry, once I know what I want (or in this case don't want), I'm very open and honest and forward about relating that. I'll be nice and calm and use all the appropriate "I" statements, but I won't lie later when we talk about everything. And all I can do is hope for the best and hope for understanding, and I'll in turn understand if he can't wait and give me patience.

Things are not yet resolved, but will be later today, one way or another. And I have to admit, that despite this pending conversation, I feel lighter than I have in weeks. I finally know what I want, and what I don't. It's a relieving and freeing feeling.

Perfect

OMG! I really should be in bed right now, but I just couldn't go to sleep without gushing about how absolutely perfect tonight was!! I have the best boyfriend ever! Seriously. It really began with hitting traffic on the way home. (a next to never occurrence) Despite that, however, I was ready with a good 10 minutes to spare. I definitely took pictures reflected in the bathroom mirror and sent them to my cousin to approve of my appearance. :) The bf called to tell me he was on his way over, just dropped his dad off at the airport. He mentioned needing to come up before we left, so I quickly threw my apartment into some semblance of order (which had been lost throughout the week and during the course of getting ready for tonight) He called and I came down to let him in, and he gave me the most beautiful flowers ever! (<---look, see?? there's a picture of them!!!) They are so bright and cheerful, and they smell wonderful. The bf even got a vase for them! (did I mention he's perfect?) He chose everything and arranged them himself. :) He told me he'd wanted to get roses, but didn't like the way they looked. I think these are better. They are colorful and bright, I absolutely love them-they make my apartment look so lovely. :) Haha, I'm SO excited!! :) I love flowers, and he chose such beautiful colors and arranged them so nicely. He's absolutely wonderful :)
Dinner was out on Coronado at this wonderful Italian restaurant. Light and airy, I fell in love with the place the moment we walked in. We had window seats with a beautiful view across the water to the cityscape. My favorite kind of food is Italian, and he knows it, but this is the first time we've had Italian. (we always get sidetracked by our seemingly insatiable cravings for sushi, a new favorite of mine developed during student teach last fall) Our waitress was really friendly and attentive, and made the best recommendations. He had the lobster ravioli, and I had shells stuffed with black truffles, some kind of cheese, parmesan and spinach, in a red sauce. It was a treat for my tastebuds, which were already extremely pleased with the wonderfully fresh bread dipped in olive oil and balsamic vinegar. (if you have never had this, you seriously need to try it! It's absolutely delicious! The feel of the restaurant was wonderful. Crisp and clean,
but with a homey feel to it. I can't wait to go back again sometime. We ordered wine with dinner. He had a shiraz (his favorite), and I got Beringer, which at the moment is my favorite. We had it a the manager's house a few weeks ago, and I loved it. I tend to prefer the sweeter wines, and it was just the perfect amount of sweetness. I did try the bf's shiraz, which was delicious as well. My tolerance for alcohol is at about zero since I really don't drink much anymore, and never drank much to begin with, so I didn't finish the glass. (kind of sad, I know, but the bf finished the last bit for me) We had originally planned to get ice cream later, but ended up having the chocolate creme brulee from the desert cart at the restaurant. It's absolute heaven for your tastebuds. Seriously. Creme brulee is a weakness of mine, one that rarely gets indulged. I used to make it, minus the torch (didn't have one at the time, and they kinda scared me anyways) The bf said we should make it together sometime, and he'll do the torch part to carmelize the top. :) I of course took a picture of this mouthwatering treat. It was wonderfully delicious, it's been ages since I had creme brulee, and this chocolate version was to die for! I definitely recommend it to everyone.
Following dinner we walked over to the ferry landing, and took the ferry over to Sea Port village. He had two ideas, either going over there to walk around, or going over to the Del to walk around. My love for boats won out, so we ended up taking that option. It was wonderful. We wandered around Sea Port village, just enjoying each other's company. We stopped in at the Weyland Gallery and learned about an upcoming appearance by Weyland himself. The bf is considering purchasing a commissioned original, it's like a once in a lifetime opportunity, as Weyland doesn't do commissioned work. It's Japanese ink on watercolor paper, of various animals (your choice), and you get to stand right next to him as he creates this original work of art. He's still debating it. It's a LOT of money, but it's a really neat opportunity. We visited the hammock shop, my favorite place down there, I've loved it since I was little. I introduced him to Del Sol, which, for those of you who haven't seen one, sells items that all change colors in the sun. It's a really neat shop, I have a t-shirt from there. I shall just admit I'm slightly spoiled. He bought me four new color changing nail polishes. Just because. (can I keep him???) He's SO good to me. And not just in the gift area, which I certainly don't lack for (but neither am I overwhelmed with) But he just makes me so genuinely happy, I still cannot stop smiling. Tonight was absolutely perfect. After a while we walked back to wait for the last ferry back to the island, and took some pictures of various things while we waited. The ferry ride back was chilly, even with my fun new khaki jacket. (gotta love Nordstrom Rack, got this great $60 jacket for $30 including tax) But the chilly just provided the perfect excuse for a bit of cuddling and being close. It really was the perfect night. I feel like I'm going to be smiling all night, I can't stop. I don't want to stop. I'm just giddy with happiness. I'm so excited, I couldn't wait to write about it, I wanted to write while the excitement was still fresh. :) But now I should probably head to bed, since I'm planning to be up early-ish to drive down to his house to help his mom set up for the luncheon. I'm so excited to spend some time with her, I really liked her before when I met her. And the bf said earlier that he was really excited that I was going to hang out with her, that it meant a lot to him. This is just all too perfect, I'm so happy. I didn't know I could BE this happy, and I'm a naturally happy, hyper, glass-half-full kind of person. This is like, a new level of happiness for me. :) I hope you are all having lovely evenings, and lots of sweet dreams! I promise to come back and add the photo stats! (to this post and I think possibly my last one, I was in a rush and didn't have time to get the stats)

Thought for thought

I think. A lot. You might accuse me of overthinking. (trust me, I have been accused of this before...rightly so) It has its benefits, sometimes it's a good thing, other times it gets in the way and causes more harm than good. Regardless, it makes my head a crowded place to reside sometimes. Talking helps, on occasion. Writing is my outlet, whether it's online or in my paper journals (which have actually seen the light of...my bedside lamp...the past few days), writing is a release. Sometimes just the act of getting my thoughts from inside my mind to outside of it on paper, releases some of the pressure of these bits of ideas and images racing around inside my brain like superheated particles crashing into one another. I need to remember to make time to allow myself this outlet. (it helps to keep the pressure out of my head) Time shouldn't be an issue, as I was recently reminded in a daily quote email:

"Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein." -H. Jackson Brown

Pretty smart if you ask me, and makes you stop and think a bit, about the concept of time. There is so much and so little of it. (I swear that's a quote from a movie, but I cannot remember which one or who said it...I'm thinking something epic, like Galadriel in Lord of the Rings, but I can't remember...it's not important) We are only as busy as we choose to be. We make time for the times we choose. If we really, truly and deeply want to do something, we are more than capable of making it happen. Being busy is only a temporary excuse, if it can be considered one at all. Good excuse, I mean. It's always invoked as an excuse, but rarely justified. Not really.
It's been nearly a year since I graduated. So many things have happened since then. I have grown so much, learned and become more of who I am. Nearly a year ago I watched as my secure little world crashed down around my feet, and I was powerless to stop it, as I watched my dearest friends hurt one another. Betrayals and distrust, conclusions ill gotten and refusal to forgive. I've retreated into myself as I do on occasion when life gets too much to deal with (though I rarely realize it at the time). I just (literally, like 2 seconds ago) realized that it's probably my way of controlling the uncontrollable. Unfortunately this results in me missing out on lots of things...something I may or may not get to later, but is definitely strong amongst the thoughts swirling through my head. I've re-emerged from that sheltered place, and I've grown. I've learned, taught, failed and continued. I've grown closer to my family, made new friendships, welcomed a beautiful, new little family member, grown up some. I've watched as some friends made their own sort of peace and forgiveness, while others continued to hurt. I have a boyfriend who is absolutely amazing--we'll be officially 1 month tomorrow. He has something up his sleeve for Friday night, my cousin has been teasing me because she knows what he has planned. I'm excited, and I am so incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful guy in my life.
I've found myself lost in thought today. (no, really?) I don't know what sparked it, probably not entirely unrelated to hormones and such, but I have this tendency of following one thought and running into a snow storm of others, dragging me into an odd, pensive sort of mood. I know that earlier when I started to write, it was originally going to be about writing. Ah, there I was. I've found my train of thought again. It was just sitting by the stream having a picnic while I tried to find it, sitting in plain view. As some of you may know from earlier posts, I began the writing thing really with my LiveJournal. My friend B got me into that. Really, I was thinking about it on my way home tonight, she has inspired me to so much, and continues to inspire me. But that's a train of thought to fill an entire post unto itself. (and will most likely find its way into a paper journal) Both of our LiveJournals have been friends locked for some time now, for various reasons. I honestly haven't posted there in months. B recently linked me to a new "public" blog she had started over on another site. This was several weeks after I'd begun my blog here. I enjoy reading her stuff, I always have. But, surprisingly, I did not link her here, or even tell her of this blog's existence. I hesitated, and I'm not entirely sure why. I've been thinking that it's a little silly to have a blog that none of my "real life" friends (and I use that with quotes because in no way do I mean to put down any of you who read and comment on my blog, you are all absolutely wonderful and I am so grateful for your kindness and comments, and I love reading your blogs in turn, you all make me smile) ...looking for my train of thought....ah yes. But to not have any of those people know about my blog. And I have tried to think of why, exactly. And I've come up with several answers, the main of which, I don't think I was/am ready. There is a certain freedom and release in writing when you are writing more or less anonymously, in a way. Not sure if that makes sense. Looking back, I feel as if knowing certain people were reading my journal, made me write differently than I might have otherwise. Not necessarily content-wise, well, sort of. I feel like I write more freely and without fear of judgment or scrutiny here than I ever did on my LiveJournal. Not to say that my friends would judge or anything. I'm sorry, I seem to be talking in twists. (you should see how crazy it is here in my head-seriously) But then I read your blogs, and I see the comments from friends both "real life" and from the blogosphere, and I wonder why I haven't shared my blog with my friends. I feel like I'm hoarding it like a treasure or something (so long as I don't start calling it the precious or anything I think I'm okay...) (apologies for the consistently obscure Lord of the Rings references) Basically, I'm sitting here debating sharing this with my friends. Will that change the appeal of my blog? Will it change the way I write? I don't know. If any of you wonderful readers have any suggestions or stories or advice, I would love to hear them.
The other subject that is the root of many of my other thought wanderings lately, are my friendships, two in particular. My job kept me busy last summer, along with the whole little withdrawal from all that drama, and I missed a lot. And it bothers me. Not that there are things, jokes and memories and such that I'm not a part of, because that's fine. It bothers me that I let myself check out for so long. I missed so much, and yes, we are all still friends and I see them way more than I did, but, I feel like a very, very bad friend. I checked out when they probably could have used me most. I have always taken pride in my friendship, and I failed them. I am SO incredibly thankful that they had each other when I was awol. And I know that B has forgiven me for it. I think L has too, but I can't remember if we've had a specific conversation where I apologized. Maybe I should double check that we've had that. But I realized that the reason it hurts so much, is because I haven't forgiven myself. And they give me a hard time about it once in a while, and I completely deserve it. L made a subtle reference to it tonight at rehearsal. I said something about getting together to practice something or other, and she said something like, yeah right or something equally pointed about me screwing up. And it was absolutely deserved. But deserved or not, it hurts. Each and every little reference, in jest or not, tears at my soul and breaks my heart. I know it's not intended that way, but it hurts because it's justified and it's true. I was around, but I wasn't really there. And I just haven't been able to forgive myself for it yet. Maybe when I've made significant progress in repairing, rebuilding and strengthening these relationships, maybe. I want so badly to make things better. As you all know well, I cherish my "me time", and there are occasions where I would honestly just rather sit at home than do anything. And it's hard, because I still miss out on stuff because of it sometimes. It's a constant battle with myself to go out of my way and put myself out there. I miss where these friendships were. They're still good friendships, but they're not the same. They're not bad, I just know that they can be even better. And I know that I can't just flip a switch and suddenly make things back to "normal". It takes effort, and time, and I'm trying. I'm just afraid that I'm not succeeding. And the thought is wearying. I feel like Tarah in season 6 of Buffy, where she comes back to Willow and:

Tara: Things fall apart. They fall apart so hard.
Willow: Tara?
Tara: You can't ever...put them back the way they were.
Willow: Are you okay?
Tara: I'm sorry, it's just...you know, it takes time. You can't just...have coffee and expect-
Willow: I know.
Tara: There's so much to work through. Trust has to be built again, on both sides...you have to learn if we're even the same people we were, if we can fit in each other's lives. It's a long, important process, and...can we just skip it? Can-can you just be kissing me now?

...you know, minus the whole lover's thing and kissing, and whatnot. But the sentiment. I'm just tired. And I feel like my efforts get nowhere. For every step forward, I take 2 back. It's frustrating, and it feels like it's just, not enough or something. And I realize that I'll probably feel much better about this in the light of day when I'm not so tired. But still. I just realized that I'm making this sound like B and L aren't my friends or something. They are, most definitely. I just want to be THERE more. It's my fault things got messed up in the first place. I'm just trying to revisit connections, get things back on track, if that makes sense. And I know that things are never exactly the same, but can always be better. It's just that sometimes it seems like such an
uphill climb, and makes me tired. But these two beautiful women are worth it, they are worth everything. I just want to make things right. And maybe eventually forgive myself for peacing out when I should have been more present than ever.
Wow, I just went off on a complete stream of consciousness there. Dang, way to ramble. See? I told you my mind is a busy place these days. You should see all the OTHER thoughts and details jetting around my mind. You could get lost in there. (that is, assuming you didn't get lost in that ramble up there and didn't even get to this point!) Apologies, I didn't mean to be so wordy. I promise to have a happier post tomorrow.
Today's pictures are two of my favorites. They are from a trip to the pier with B and L to take sunset pictures. The top is one I took of them before climbing up to join them on the beams underneath the pier. (and no, we weren't supposed to be climbing, but it made for some fun pictures) This bottom one is of both of them on the wet sand, silhouetted against the ocean sunset. This was a good day. This is what I miss. I get glimpses of it every now and then, I guess I'm wishing and working for consistency and complete ease. If that makes sense. My head doesn't entirely make sense at the moment, so who knows if the words coming out of it are even in English. (well, I know they're in English because my French is NOT good enough to write this much without tearing my hair out, and aside from pig Latin, it's the only other language I know more than 3 words of!)

Photo specs: (top)
~taken February 5, 2007
~setting: portrait, flash did not fire; photo effect: b&w

Photo specs: (bottom)
~taken February 5, 2007
~setting: landscape, flash did not fire; photo effect: sepia

Practice

Today is different. Today is good. Today I didn't just teach a lesson and put my instrument away. Today I practiced. I really, truly practiced. It was like picking up an old friend that had been patiently waiting for me to get my act together and realize I missed them. I played scales, I played my solos, I play 'The Spell', which is my most absolute favorite solo ever. It was like I'd found a piece of me that's been missing for months, one I could sometimes see, but never truly realized had been an aching emptiness until it was once again filled. See, I learned about a not so fun side of this real world thing. I learned about the side where you don't always pass and there aren't always happy endings. I didn't pass my student teaching last semester. And it shattered my confidence as it shook my entire world. It was my first experience with failure. Needless to say, I didn't handle it incredibly well. Mostly because I didn't know how. I didn't know how to be open and vulnerable, I didn't know how to deal with the niceness of everyone who found out/I told. I didn't know how to ask for help and support, because I'm always the one in the role of supporter, it's hard to switch roles suddenly when you've played the same part for ages. Typically me, I withdrew from a lot of things, nothing too noticeable if you didn't know me. I haven't actually picked up a baton since I found out that I didn't pass. I had a breakdown about a month ago, got too overwhelmed during rehearsal for community band at the school where I spent an entire semester, and made it home in time to get online with a friend (incidentally, now the bf) and completely freak out. As far as breaking down and such goes, it was rather mild, but it was good for me. I needed to let go. One of my favorite songs is Let Go by Frou Frou. Too bad I didn't listen to those lyrics before; "let go... it's alright, because there's beauty in the breakdown" Better late than never, right? I've had an easier time of it since then. Rehearsals and teaching my flute student has gotten easier. It's no longer painful, I can breathe now. I still haven't picked up a baton. I'm working on that. My confidence is not entirely back, but at least it's begun to mend. To be entirely honest, I've never been a great practicer. It's a bad habit I suppose. But I shied away even further after everything. But today, today I practiced. And it felt good. I plan to continue, just a little bit each day or so. It will help. I've played flute for 13, nearly 14 years. I love it, and it felt so good, so RIGHT to play today. Besides, I promised my grandpa when I graduated that I wouldn't stop practicing or playing. Time to fulfill that promise I think, because after all, I don't make promises I won't keep. Small steps, one foot in front of the other, and I'll get my feet back under me. In the meantime, I have a fabulous apartment, a job that I absolutely love, wonderful friends and an amazing new boyfriend. I may have not passed, but that's okay. Because I'm going to get back on the horse, and do it again. And this time it will be easy. (once I take the few classes I need to help prepare me better...conducting and instrumental methods) I am so lucky to have so many people supporting me. I think that's what made it so hard to deal with. Everyone was so supportive and just, NICE, and I couldn't stand it. I didn't mind telling people, it was their reactions. They were NICE to me, and I just couldn't comprehend it, because I FAILED. They could not make that okay. But I get it now, and I can deal better, I am dealing better. It doesn't throw me off to talk about it anymore. It's still a soft subject, but it doesn't break me anymore, and that's something, right? In the words of a favorite song, I'm not there yet, but I will be. And I'm ever so looking forward to it.
The picture is one I took last year, yes that's my flute. The music is the piece I was working on at the time of the photo. I've had this flute since my junior year of high school, it's my baby. I absolutely love it, it's one of my most prized possessions. It's a little piece of my soul. And it was SO happy to actually be practiced today, not just played out of necessity to teach a lesson or for rehearsal. It makes me happy, music makes me happy.

Photo Stats:
~taken February 27, 2007
~setting: landscape, flash did not fire (don't ask why I had it set to landscape...your guess is as good as mine!)

Blazing Fields

So, I have this friend, I've known him for several years. My old roomie and very close friend B has always thought there was something going on with us. Yeah yeah, whatever. Well, wouldn't you know it, she was right?! As of last Tuesday, we finally admitted we liked each other, and are now dating. It's rather amusing, because we talked about taking things slow and making it really low key, definitely keeping it out of work (we both work for IT, though in completely different parts of it). So, naturally, we drove up to my parents' house Sunday for the day to see the poppies. He met my parents, brothers, grandparents, and one of my two best friends and his girlfriend. I really just have to laugh. It was a last minute thing really. Got a message from my mom while we were playing tennis Thursday night, telling me I really should come home to see the poppies, because the valley looked like it was on fire they were so thick. So, almost jokingly, I asked the bf if he wanted to drive up to my house Sunday. And it turned into this amazingly fun trip up complete with a family barbecue before driving home. My family really seemed to like him, he'd already met my dad when he helped move me into my new apartment. It was great to see my best friend too, we haven't actually seen each other in about a year-we are both too busy for our own good. But with him and our other best friend, it doesn't seem to matter how long it's been, we pick up as if it were only 5 minutes. Of course we talk online and on the phone, which helps us keep in touch, but never nearly as much as we'd like. But we are there for each other when it matters most, and it meant SO much when Jacen wanted to meet the new bf since we would both be home at the same time. It was nice to meet his new lady as well. I really liked her. The bf was a major hit with my little brothers, though apparently my 11 year old brother threatened him, which I thought was incredibly sweet. (the bf told me about it on the drive home) I'm going to meet his parents sometime this week. I think we're going to do breakfast Sunday morning.
I suppose at some point I'll have to create some blogosphere names for people like the bf and my little brothers. Jacen is really a nickname for my best friend, just like Jaina is his nickname for me. (it's a Star Wars thing from a long time ago, the third best friend has one too...they hardly ever call me by my real name anymore. They usually use Jaya, the short version of the nickname) I guess I've always gone by an alias online. I did start to switch my blog over to my actual name yesterday, but then decided it might confuse the owners of the blogs I comment on, so I decided to leave it as it is. Nothing wrong with using my nickname, and for the few of you who actually read these ramblings of mine, now you know. :) Honestly I'll answer to either name. Nicknames are fun, I like them. Hmm...I will have to come up with some creative names for my little brothers. Thoughts on if I should continue calling the bf just that? Or actually have some sort of nickname for him? (how funny would it be if he actually came across this blog, I'm sure he would be much amused)
I'm impressed with myself, two days of posts? That's got to be some kind of record. But perhaps I should wait to be impressed until after a straight week of posting. I love blogging, and just need to make it a priority to do some writing every day. It should keep me consistent with my camera as well. The pictures may not be from the same day as the post, and occasionally I may pull up some of my favorite older photos, but mostly I'll try to keep them current. And I'll get better at posting the picture info at the time of the post.
Haha, I went on rambling so long I forgot to mention anything about the photos! As you can probably guess, they are a few of the many I took Sunday out in the desert and at the poppy reserve. Looking out to the west end of the valley was a gorgeous sight of blazing orange, it literally looked like the desert was on fire...without the thick smoke and danger to the firemen. I don't know what it is, but I absolutely LOVE the poppies. If you've never seen a field of poppies in person, it's definitely something I recommend doing when you have the chance. They have the most beautiful scent, and the petals are soft as silk, lovely to touch. (but don't pick them...it's illegal) This year is the best I've ever seen them, it's literally carpets of orange. Some years there are next to none, but it's SO beautiful this year. I am SO excited that the bf and I went up to see them. He was amazed, he'd never seen anything like it. It was a lot of fun. :)

Photo specs: (top)
~taken April 13, 2008
~setting: no flash (may have been landscape, info did not say auto)

Photo specs: (bottom)
~taken April 13, 2008
~setting: auto, no flash

Farmer's Market

I love so many things about my new little neighborhood. The cute little coffee shops with amazing drinks, so much better than the big chain stores. Street musicians with muted trumpets and clarinets outside these little shops. People walking all over the place with their children and their pets. And the Farmer's Market Sunday mornings. I didn't get to go yesterday since we drove up to my parents' house, but I'm looking forward to going this weekend. It's a great little walk, and I feel so green with my own pretty bag to carry everything home in.
The market is a great place to people watch. So many people around trying to sell their wares, musicians performing, children dancing. Fruits and vegetables, flowers and herbs. Random jewelry and clothing, TONS of samples of the most luscious citrus fruit you will ever taste. Everyone is smiling and friendly, it's just a great place to be...not to mention all the delicious and
healthy things I come home with. Always under $20 too. (that's all I take with me, so as not to OVER spend) There is also the added bonus of supporting our local farmers and economy, that always makes me feel good. I was never one to get overly involved in the various movements and awareness issues that college students are known for, but I was around them and paid attention. Definitely makes me feel good walking down to the local farmer's market with my reusable tote slung over my shoulder.
Naturally, the flowers in the pictures are from the Farmer's Market when I went with my cousin a couple weeks ago. She absolutely fell in love with it. She bought some natural homemade preserves for her parents. These things were SO good. I'd have bought a jar if I actually ate those things. I just don't eat them enough (like, next to never) to make it worthwhile, especially since these ones don't have preservatives and won't last forever. I love the way these shots of the daisies came out, especially the red ones. The farmer's market is a great place for taking pictures, so many lovely and interesting things around, just begging to be captured on film...or in my case, a digital memory card.

Photo specs: (for both)
~taken March 30, 2008
~setting: no flash (might have been on landscape...didn't say auto in the info)

Sand Art

I thought this photo was appropriate to what I'm thinking of this morning. I went to the beach with a, well, at the time he was a friend, then he was a summer romance, then he was out of my life. But that's another story, gone in the past. On this trip to the beach we discovered sand art that people had created in the sand scattered across the sidewalks. There was everything from birthday wishes to hop scotch squares, complete with a giant Mickey Mouse. This one was a cute message from the artist, whoever that may have been. Reminding us to stop, look, listen and SMILE. So many times I think we forget to do these things, all of them, not just the smiling. We get so wrapped up in the busy daily pace of life that we forget to stop and look around, take everything in. We forget to listen to the birds and the wind, and to each other. We get so caught up in our to do lists and deadlines that we forget to smile. Smiling is such a simple act, yet so important. Smiling is good for the soul.

You're probably wondering why I said this was an appropriate picture for today's post. I've been doing some thinking (prompted by the two lovely bloggers who were kind enough to comment in my blog here). I feel the need to be writing more, I just never seem to make the time for it. I've had a LiveJournal for a couple of years now, but really don't post much anymore. I thought that maybe if I got a shiny brand new blog that maybe I would post more. Maybe if I created a couple of blogs, a place for my photos, a place for creative writing (which has been created but in which I've still yet to write a word...unless you count the "about" section) I went to create yet another blog on here this morning, with the intent that this one would be for pure writing about daily life and thoughts. But I realized what a stupid idea that was. If I can't even keep up with one blog, how do I expect to actively maintain 3 or 4? After much thought (well, maybe not all THAT much thought, but at least a good 5 minutes or so) I came to the conclusion that I would combine my efforts. This blog, my photo blog, will become THE blog. I don't have to comment just on the photos, although I'm going to make it a personal requirement that every post includes a photo with commentary, since that was the original intent of the blog. But that doesn't mean I can't write about other things in here. After all, I'm the one who made the silly rule, so it seems reasonable that I can change it to fit my needs now. That being said, I will make a renewed effort to post daily. It will be a great personal exercise, and I'm sure my blog would appreciate it. It's felt somewhat neglected as of late. Who knows, maybe I'll even update my LJ once in a while too, since I have a close friend or two who I know that read it. I am going to make this my main blog from now on though. I'm really excited about this.

Photo specs:
~taken June 16, 2007
~setting: auto, no flash