Friday, August 14, 2009

Wedding-zillas

In only a few short days I've found myself already stepping into my role as Maid of Honor. I know a lot of my wonderful readers are married and have already been through the wedding planning experiences. What I'd really like to know, is what do you think about the whole process? Is the day about family, or is it spotlight on the bride and groom? How much say should the parentals have? Who gets to make the final decisions? How do you balance everyone's ideas without hurting feelings and without making people mad? How do you deal with the 'zillas, whether they're parents, brides or grooms? Does anyone have stories to share about the wedding planning process? Wedding pitfalls and faux pas to watch out for? Great advice or wedding secrets?

I'd really love as much input as you can offer, go ahead and write post-length comments if you want, I know you will have all kinds of things to share with me. I'd love to get some real world advice, opinions, views and stories to help draw from as I fulfill my role as my cousin's Maid of Honor. And hey, it's never to early to start learning for when it's my turn, right? C'mon, help a girl out. :)


7 comments:

EatPlayLove said...

My big wedding advice,
1. Even though it's expensive don't skimp on a photographer. I went middle of the road and have so-so photos to remind me of the day. I totally regret not going for it.

2. Do what you and your man feel is right. Big, small, outside, inside. Let others share their opinion but ulitmately it's YOUR day, don't compromise for others.

3. Remember to enjoy yourself that day, it goes so fast try to be in the moment!

Kimberly said...

It's all about the couple. It's their day. Their memory to cherish for the rest of their life together.

That said, it's good for them to be open to input. To consider new ideas. But not to be lead around by the nose or forced into making decisions that don't fit what they want. Personally, I wish I'd given my wedding more thought. A few key points, the good and the bad.

1) We had an awesome photographer and he was SO worth it.
2) I wish we hadn't had the huge long reception line and that Neil and I had greeted people on our own.
3) I wish I'd gotten up and expressed my love/gratitude/what have you. I never once spoke and have always regretted that.
4) Sometimes, things going wrong is the best thing that can happen. We had two wedding receptions and forgot to make sure the dj for the second one had our first song. He didn't, and played something by the BeeGees instead. We totally cracked up and were dying laughing as we danced. One of our happiest memories from our wedding. Things don't have to be perfect to be right.
5) Some of the best photos we have were taken by a friend with a roll of black and white film - totally candid, non-posed photos that we really cherish.
6) There will always be busy-bodies who try to force their ideas through. It's a given. Giving them something to be in charge of (table settings, organizing the clean up crew, seating plan, etc..) can help divert their energies from harassing the bride and groom.
7) It may be all about the couple, but it Mum&Dad are paying, they DO have some say. Ground rules and budgets should be discussed openly from the get go so there isn't as much confusion or hurt feelings.
8) Biggest thing though - throw out the list of Weddings are Supposed To Be Like This... Tradition is all very well and good, but not all traditions are worth keeping up. We had bubbles instead of rice. Neil was forbidden to smush the cake into my face on pain of death or divorce. The couple doesn't have to follow the norm at all if they don't want to.
9) That said, going too far off the beaten track will ALWAYS cause some grumbling...

Good luck!

Cheryl said...

David and I have been married 22 years and I still remember those planning days. It seems like I couldn't move without making one side of the family or the other upset. Even over serving a certain salad at the Rehersal Dinner!

What I learned from all of that, was to try to compromise, but in the end it is about the couple and their very special day. Listen to people, thank them for giving an opinion, but in the end you have to do what makes your cousin and her future husband happy.

Honestly, in the end, on that very special day, everything falls into place and all the little issues are forgotten. It becomes about the couple and the beauty of the day and just enjoying the moment. It goes by so fast, my reception went6 hours and it seemed like 1.

The biggies are the where the ceremony will be held and getting that date set, getting the perfect reception place reserved, fresh flowers, a great photographer, a great cake and of course the dresses. Sounds like a lot, but it is a lot of fun too.

As Maid of Honor are you in charge of the Shower? If they have a date, I'd start working on that!

I'm here if you need advice or just need to vent. My husband was a phototographer for a wedding this weekend. It was so beautiful. I can't wait to hear more about this.

However, make sure you take some breaks from it too, so it doesn't consume and stress you. Balance my friend.
XXXXXXX

Momo Fali said...

My wedding was a blast to plan and went really well. There weren't any fights or tears. My parents helped me make some decisions, because they helped pay for it, but we agreed on everything. I was very frugal, choosing nice looking, but inexpensive invitations and getting my cake cutter and ring bearer pillow at Target! The photographer should be good, the DJ should be great and the bar should be open.

Jennifer (Jen on the Edge) said...

All of the points made above are exactly what I would have said.

It's been almost 18 years for us and, if I could do it over, I'd stick with the same thing, but I'd have worn a dress I actually liked and I would have not sweated so many inconsequential details.

Yaya said...

Oh gosh...gonna make me relive this huh? ;)
well I think there's a middle line.
My mom wasn't involved at all. She just bad no interest. It would have been nice if she acted more interested and involved.

My mother in law on the other hand...oy. She thought she dictated everything. In fact our original plan was to elope in Vegas until she started crying and gave us a guilt trip about how we had to have a real wedding...

So, act interested. Be there to answer every little question and issue that comes up. Offer your advice and opinion when it is asked for.
Hope that helps!

Jaina said...

Denise-I'm right with you there on the photographer, I'm glad to hear this from someone else :) I especially like the reminder in number 3. I'll have to keep that in mind for myself someday as well. I'm going to share all of these comments with my cousin too. It's always great to get pointers from those who have been through the same things.

Kim-Thank you for so many ideas and pointers, I will definitely be referring back to this.

Cheryl-Thanks! Wonderful advice. I am in charge of the shower and the bachelorette parties. I already have some input from my cousin. No dates yet, we won't set those until after they've set the wedding date, which won't happen just yet. I'm already getting ideas together though. Thank you for the offer to talk/vent/etc, you're wonderful! :)

Momo-Sounds like your wedding went very smoothly, that is fabulous! I love all the tips, thank you!

Jen-Thanks! :) I would imagine it's definitely important not to stress, it's supposed to be fun, right?

Yaya-Haha, my cousin's fiance teased about a trip to Vegas at one point. I laughed. Thanks for the MOH tips for me, I'm definitely trying to fulfill them :) Thanks!