Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Falling Behind

Rushing and racing and running in circles. Moving so fast I'm forgetting my purpose. Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning, getting nowhere. My head and my heart are colliding chaotic, pace of the world I just wish I could stop it. Try to appear like I've got it together I'm falling apart...
slow me down...
Sometimes I fear that I might disappear in the blur of fast forward I falter again. Forgetting to breathe, I need to sleep, I'm getting nowhere. All that I've missed I see in the reflection, passed me while I wasn't paying attention. Tired of rushing, racing and running I'm falling apart...

I often times feel that I am out of control, unable to keep up with life-the lyrics of one of my favorite Emmy Rossum songs seem to fit. I may not be falling apart (at least I don't think so) I definitely need to slow down. Things are chaotic right now, just really super busy. My list of things is growing faster than I can cross things off, it's like I'm trying to be on several different freeways all at once, going different speeds in multiple directions. (and not "easily" solvable like world problems in algebra)
I have so many things to say, but no time to say them, to formulate them into words. I need to get my life and my schedule under control. Work has gotten busy preparing for the new students moving in and the beginning of school. I'm trying to figure out if mono is the culprit for my inexplicable fatigue and tiredness, even when I get plenty of sleep. (apparently the virus will occasionally become active...but don't worry, no more swollen icky tonsils...supposedly) There are lots of little things that need my attention, piling up on me. There are people who want pieces of my time and attention, when really I wish I could have just a single day to turn off my phone and disappear from the world for a short time. (I'm actually trying to work on this) I'm much more balanced, but I feel like I've lost my center.
That being said, I'm going to follow the example of several wonderful bloggers I read, and take a short break. Not like I haven't already been taking one, I have posted in a while. I won't completely disappear, I'm still trying to get caught up in my reader. (I'm sure you may have noticed a slew of comments on a range of posts from me, or if you haven't, you will...I'm working my way through the reader) I just don't have it in me to hit "mark as read".
I'll be back soon enough though, I love my blog and can't stay away for too long. I just need to work on my writing. I do believe that it may have gotten a bit whiny as of late.
If you have a moment, please check out this blog, I found it through Sue at Navel Gazing At Its Finest. CJane has been keeping updates on the condition of her sister NieNie and her sister's husband Christian as they recover from a plane accident. The love and support of this family has been truly amazing to read about, and they can use all the prayers they can get. They also set up a donation link for those able and willing to donate to help ease the financial side of their recovery, which is estimated to be at least several months from what I gather. Thank you to Sue for bringing this to my attention. I hope you will all keep NieNie and Christian and their whole family in your prayers, if you are a praying sort of person.
I'll be back soon, consistently. And I'll have slowed down and regained control of my life. (as much as I ever can, right?)


Gramma Ann said...

Hi Jaina,

I realize you are a bit younger than I. But, over the years I realized, because of my doctors advice, years ago when I was the mother of 5 teenagers, that sometimes you need to say NO! to some of your activities or persons who ask you to go here or do this for them. He explained to me it will not be easy, but the first time is the hardest. After that it gets easier to say NO!

Sometimes to keep our sanity we have to put ourself first. This does not mean that we are being a
selfish person. It only means we have to slow down and decide what is most important in our life.

Also, my medical book says about mononucleosis, and I will quote it:
"For two to three months after recovery, patients often feel depressed, lack energy, and feel sleepy during the day..." But I'm sure you already knew this. But just in case thought I would throw that in.

Well, again here I go rambling on and on, but I worry about you sometimes. So take a break and don't worry about whether or not you leave a comment on everyones blog or if you even post on yours. First and foremost it is important that you take care of number one.

Hugs and love. Ann

Jaina said...

Gramma Ann- ::hugs:: Thank you. I'm getting better at saying no and taking time for me....only I haven't been so great at it the past couple weeks. And thanks for letting me know what your medical book says...that's actually extremely helpful. I knew that the virus would occasionally become active, but I wasn't sure if I would know when it was. But the lack of energy and sleepiness during the day...that seems to fit the bill right now. So clearly I need to slow down a little bit.
Thank you for worrying about me sometimes, it means a lot. :)

Anonymous said...

I use to struggle with the need to please and not setting limits with other people because I wanted to make everyone happy. I learned that is impossible. You have to make yourself your #1 priority. If you don't jump off the craziness that life throws at us, from time to time, you really will get physically sick.

Take a day or two, turn off the phone and rest, write, read or whatever else feels like destressing time. Don't you dare feel guilty about it. You owe it to yourself.

I hope you really listen and do as I say. It sounds like you are headed for total overload and then comes the crash.

The good thing is, times like this pass. Things will settle down, but in the mean time, be your own best friend.


Gramma Ann said...

Hi Jaina,

Thinking about you today and I hope you are feeling better. Just take it one day at a time, until you do start to feel better.


MamaGeek said...

Hope life slows down or you slow it down. Either way, I suggest one of them. :)

EatPlayLove said...

you deserve a break. go hang out near that ocean that's in your neck of the woods, for me your land-locked Colorado friend...

Jaina said...

Eileen-You are absolutely right and I plan to listen. :) I will be working tomorrow because the freshmen move-in, but it's fun, busy but fun. But I've been taking more and more time to unwind. I'll definitely be writing within the next week or so I think.

Gramma Ann-Thank you so much for checking in. I'm doing well. Looking forward to a busy but fun weekend.

MamaGeek-How about both? I think that would be MARVELOUS.

EatPlayLove-I will definitely get down to the beach, listening to the waves has always relaxed me. I'll send sunny, oceany thoughts your way. :)

Momo Fali said...

I hope you are enjoying a MUCH deserved break!